Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 23 September 2005

23 September 2005

Are ye going to the parrty? So sang Alex Harvey in a sensationally sinister whisper back in 1976 when your Guest Diarist was thinner, blonder, and definitely taller than the shambling wreck caught on camera by Sky the other night. Tomorrow should be one hell of a party at Boston when the Town heroes receive a standing ovation from their fans at five to three. Yes, I know the away fans have to stand at York Street - that's almost the whole point of going - but this season's fixture will commence with an extra-exultant frisson, an Ashes-winning-like surge of pure Grimsbyism. Hail the conquering heroes, and let's hope they've got the legs to play again. By the way, crash-landing back to the practical, you will almost certainly get in tomorrow by proffering CASH at the turnstiles, despite the all-ticket bulletins. They like cash at Boston, and they will probably just shove you in a home stand if the away end is full.

I phoned the Boston chairman for an interview this morning, planning to ask him about the urgent need for a ring road; whether he planned any Portuguese signings to try to tempt the town's thousands of migrant workers into matches; oh, and what he thought about the new fraud charges brought against his manager and the bunch of allegedly (thanks Ed.) robbing hoods who used to run the club. But he'd apparently nipped out for a haircut, and I couldn't be arsed to ring back. The airwaves remain awash with conspiracy theorists muttering darkly about the paucity of Boston's revenues and the ginormity of their wage bill. Your Guest Diarist couldn't possibly comment on such tawdry matters but I'm sure that you will, gentle reader.

Andy Holt, Cod Almighty's ace statistician, appears to have at least a CSE in geography as well, having spotted a daft error on an official website article wherein JPK is interviewed. "Congo national manager, Claude Andrey, has promised to recall Jean Paul Kalala back to the Congolese national side for their next game against South Africa," trumpets the writer. Sadly, Monsieur Andrey is the team boss of neighbouring country Congo, whereas JPK plays for Congo DR, which is managed by ex-Cambridge luminary Claude le Roy. But the lazy young OS apprentice managed to get one thing right - Congo DR do play South Africa next, and need to win 3-0 to top the group. Here, folks, is a nice map of Africa which explains all bar two things. One is that Congo DR used to be Zaire. The other is that the Democratic Republic of Congo is anything but flippin' democratic. I know this because I heard Andy Kershaw on Radio 4 on about it the other month.

Oh shit - the OS chappies have spotted the error and half-fixed it. Maybe you should do your fact checking before you publish next time? That way we wouldn't waste ten minutes doing it for you...

The official site is hopefully more accurate with its team news for tomorrow's match. The vitalised Andy Parkinson has apparently decided that shin splints are a totally made-up malady and is now absolutely fit and raring to go. There are little unspecified doubts about Simon Ramsden and the Croftmeister, but a great big indelible question mark over Jones the Lump, whose ankle injury has kept him out of training. So that's put a little smirk on Gritton's face.

Boston appear to be perilously close to dropping Noel Whelan in favour of Lawrie Dudfield - which is a bit surprising, given that my spies tell me that he has been the only 'star' performing even remotely well in the Boston front line which also includes that prat Joachim and our old friend Jason Lee. Ben Futcher may get a recall after a poor start to the season - if only to mark the equally tall Rob Jones at set pieces. Tony Pulis has been coaching the side while Evans works on his own defence, and that might mean the signing of yet another player to shore up the Pilgrims' back four - Dean Gordon. The one who ace Cod Almighty match reporter Tony Butcher once described as the "wandering minstrel on the left, hop, skip, jinking his way to instant karma". The veteran Deano has been training with Boston lately and word has it that they like what they see. Well, we did too, until he buggered off without so much as a cheerio.

The next cup draw to concern Town takes place on Sky at 12:15 tomorrow. Just time to hear it before setting off stumpwards. Let's hope we get what we deserve - what the taxman calls a slice of footballing fortune. See yer.