Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 21 October 2005

21 October 2005

Good day to you all - Special Guest of Special Guest Diary here - reporting from deepest (and humblest) West Yorkshire on another day filled with GTFC issues, ones which the OS normally has to sort out first before reporting them. Anyway, it appears the club has given November, December and the most part of January a miss by claiming that fans with tickets marked 'FA Cup Round 4' will, in fact, be able to purchase an exclusive ticket for what can only be described as the League Cup Round 3 match against Newcastle United. If the club happens to reach Round 4 of the FA Cup early next year, please be patient and expect delays as the club rushes around the place trying to find blank pieces of paper and the correct printing text. It also transpires that you probably need to attend the Leyton Orient match in order to get your Newcastle ticket anyway, just to confuse matters. Willy Wonka's golden tickets go on sale at half time during the match - but be quick Charlie, there are only five of them left and a big fat lad has already claimed his.

Security will be tight; you can be assured of that. But as General Melchett once said: "'Security' isn't a dirty word, Blackadder. 'Crevice' is a dirty word, but 'security' isn't".

I have a theory that Simon Ramsden is one of the unluckiest Town players at the moment (however, I wasn't there to see his performance against Morecambe). I also have a theory that Huddersfield residents can't walk straight, but that's another matter. Rambo faces the challenge of dislodging Rob Jones or Justin Aim-For-The-Corrugated-Steel Whittle from the side. Is it bad luck? I used to know someone who suffered from bad luck. He also suffered from alopecia, and so he bought a book on hair care but all the pages fell out. He had to be put down in the end, you know.

So who else will come back into the Town side that bothers? The Grimsby Telegraph is hedging its bets on Gary Cohen playing up front against Orient, and it's Simon Francis' last game for us before he returns to Moan-land. Ah, I give up. Trying to predict our starting eleven is like trying to predict when Anthony Williams is going to have a solid game.

"Never be frightened of flying," someone once said to me. "Flying isn't dangerous; it's crashing that's dangerous." But by the same token I'm scared of going in a hot air balloon. It's not because I'm scared of heights; it's the fact that I'm stood in a wicker basket - something that creaks when you subject it to the weight of a flask and a scotch egg. Playing Tom Newey at left back could have similar effects. If Orient have a quick right winger, then you might hear the creaking from our number three at roughly 3pm tomorrow.

I know it's not GTFC-related but I can't finish without mentioning Cristiano Ronaldo. It's not been a good week for Manchester United - first Paul Scholes was sent off for a rash tackle, and now it's been alleged that Ronaldo has got a rash tackle too. He's in that predicament where he'll probably play out of his skin before he's found not guilty and then he'll go and sign for Oldham at the end of the season.

I'm sure there's more news and previews of the Orient game on the Grimsby Telegraph website but, as has become traditional, it's refusing to load up - just like my TV aerial refuses to introduce me to BBC1. So for now I bid you goodbye, as me and my housemates try and chase up the person that so generously delivered a firework at our front door last Sunday night.