Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 11 October 2005

11 October 2005

When your lead story concerns a midweek afternoon reserve match, you know it's a slow news day. So I'm going to amuse myself by writing out long synonyms for the names of all the companies that sponsor things in today's Diary. Town's second string face Hull at home today, kicking off at 2pm, in the One Of Britain's Leading Holiday Camp Companies Cup. This is presumably the match that GTFC originally wanted to reschedule for Wednesday 4 January until somebody told them that they'd be lagging three rounds behind the rest of the tournament by then. The Mariners' line-up for the match includes Bunce and Benson, who I think were two of the inconsequential trialists who gatecrashed John McDermott's testimonial last week, while the Tahgers name several expensive signings who got about a month in the first team when they first arrived two years ago, didn't score goals, and were replaced by more expensive signings, and so on ad infinitum until they got promoted. Probably.

GTFC are attempting to crowbar a few more seats into Blundell Park and squeeze a few dollars more out of the forthcoming Britain's Best-Selling Lager With Over 5 Million Barrels Drunk Last Year Cup match against FA Europe's Leading Issuer Of Credit Cards With 11 Million Cards In Circulation Worldwide Premiership side Newcastle. After adding extra seating last week to the two corners of Blundell Park adjoining the Pontoon stand, the club is now planning to raise the capacity by a further 500 by installing additional arse-space between the Osmond and the Tadcaster-Based Brewery Owned By Scottish Courage Stand.

Town's official website has published a page of travel and ticket information for this Friday's [spit] away game in the World's Largest Soft Drink Corporation League at Cheltenham. Yes, it really is that boring today, and the page is notable only for the fact that it refers to pubs as "drinking establishments" with no apparent irony. Scroll past all the stuff about where to drink and which bus to catch and there's a note about the forthcoming Birmingham-Based Light Commercial Vehicle Manufacturer Trophy tie against Morecambe a week tonight, which says only the Tadcaster-Based Brewery Owned By Scottish Courage Stand will be open and that it'll only cost ten quid to get in. Woohoo!