Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Monday 27 March 2006
27 March 2006
Don't panic! That's the message Town's official site is attempting to convey today to supporters reeling from Saturday's thrashing at Lincoln - although in places the message seems to come closer to saying: you are stupid. Picking up the 81-points-means-automatic-promotion riff laid down by Mr Russell Slade the other week, the OS calculates that the target would be hit if the erratic Mariners, currently on 68 points, were to gather "just 4 wins and a draw from the remaining 7 games". This Key Stage 1 mathematics exercise having been brought to a tidy conclusion, the club's internet mouthpiece then deems it necessary to add: "And don't forget, Town's rivals would have to better the Mariners' run in to pip them at the post." Oooh, really? Thanks. You'd better have a word with Russ as well, and make sure he realised that when he set the target.
As GTFC fans and players alike have witnessed over the past 22 months - not least after the team squandered a two-goal lead at Meadow Lane this time last year - Russell Slade is a man who stands forever on the cusp of an extraordinary rage. His decision to issue Saturday's half-time team talk in the Sincil Bank centre circle in response to the players' dire first-half display and consequent four-goal deficit was surprising only for its restraint; and by the time the game had ended, the short-fused Mariners manager, much in the style of Saturday's Diary, was doing his best to take the positives. "Although it was 5-0 it's only three points," said Russ philosophically, at some indeterminate point between then and now. Imps boss Keith 'Big Keith' Alexander, unsurprisingly, has been using words such as 'magnificent' to describe his team; we shall see whether he continues to do so after his side travels north-west to play Carlisle Five tomorrow night. C'mon you Imps!
Things could be worse for Grimsby Town, of course: they could be Grimsby Town reserves. The Mariners' second string resumes its heroic season-long quest for a win this afternoon at home to King$ton Communication$ FC and continues the struggle at York on Wednesday; and today's game could see three trialists on display, reports the official website: goalscoring Southampton defender Craig Richards, Barnsley defender Tom Harban (who had a trial with Scarborough last November) and Birmingham goalkeeper and former Grimsby Town cricketer Andy Bagnall. Will Ahern, a 19-year-old central midfielder with FC United of Manchester, is supposed to be due over this week as well (FCUM's official website seemingly having checked the spelling of 'Grimsby' on Mariners World). Ahern is highly rated by United fans, although a friend of a CA-er who plays for Darwen "reckons FCUM aren't that good" and "hasn't seen anyone in this league who he thinks could make it as a pro, let alone a pro at a club who should be playing third division football next season". This is very helpful, since the most useful source of information the Diary was able to unearth was a Hungarian blog informing us that the player is often regaled by supporters with chants of "Will, Will, Willy Ahern/Will, Will, Willy Ahern/Will, Will, Willy Ahern/Plays for FC United".
The theme of young Bagnall's cricket/football bipolarity is taken up in an email from Dan Humphrey, who reminds us of Guy Welton, one-time Town youth keeper who went on to open the batting for Nottinghamshire CC. "I played footy with him for Keelby when I was younger," writes Dan. "Under-13s, maybe." Guest Diary, meanwhile, is moved to compliment his Durham counterpart on last Friday's Diary ("tardy but immensely readable") before recalling that "the estimable Nigel Batch was a bit of a local cricketing hero. I saw him get pissed in the Ship at Barnoldby-le-Beck a couple of times when the bar was filled with the sound of his leather-on-willow stories. If you know what I mean...". Not exactly, GD, no; but your concluding ellipsis suggests that we might not want to go there...
Mark Wilson, meanwhile, refers back to Thursday's Diary, asking: "Can I quote directly from the bitter ray of sunshine that is Steve Lowe and Alan McArthur's Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Shit?: 'Powerpoint: the Microsoft tool that makes everyone think and talk like fuckheads'. And I'll recommend it to all your lovely readers who are of a curmudgeonly persuasion." Thanks, Mark, because that takes us neatly to Monday's final email. "So the wheels finally fell off," sighs Dave the Engineer, taking us neatly and sadly back to Saturday. "I wonder what the original Futchenstein made of it all; he was sat just behind us amongst the carnage pigswill bank. How can our not-very-good team lose to another not very good team so heavily? Some things never change: the mindless individuals who cheer their heroes one minute are quick to boo them when all's not well, and of course Tom Newey is not a football player. Make or break now." If it's all the same to you, I think I'll break. See you tomorrow!