Cod Almighty | Article
by Codswallop
6 March 2005
Did you hear about that schoolboy who was expelled for throwing a snowball? It's political madness gone correct!! And about that other youngster who was killed by a snowball? Myself, personally, in my humble opinion, I blame the parents. It's plain common sense. Believing everything they read in the papers about this so-called mad cow disease, and bringing them up on trendy vegetarian food and McDonalds, that's what does it! I ask you, readers, what's the world coming to? The mind boggles. It does.
The trouble with the kids now, they want the world on a plate and they want it now. They think they've got the right to get whatever they want and get it now. No patience, you see. In Codswallop's day, why, we had to wait until Marklew's opened at six o'clock! If we moaned we were hungry before our dad got home from sea, he'd clout us with the coal shovel. You're not allowed to do that these days, with all this so-called equality and racial feminism. Gone mad, it has. I tell you. No patience.
And it never did us any harm. That trendy teacher at my granddaughter's school can bang on all she wants about violence being cyclical, ending in emotional repression and sexual abuse, and all that PC nonsense. Everyone knows a bit of emotional repression and sexual abuse doesn't do you any harm. It's plain common sense. And that coal shovel never did me any more harm than the one I clouted my kids with did them. Well, they don't complain about it, at any rate. Except the one who still talks to me!!
Anyway, it has come to Codswallop's notice that before he came to manage the mighty Mariners, Russell Slades was a schoolteacher himself, at the same time as managing Kettering. Or was it Nuneaton? If you ask me, this explains a lot. Because when they're not nibbling nut cutlets or smoking LSD, there's nothing these so-called schoolteachers enjoy more than brainwashing three-year-olds to riot and become homosexuals. I know. I've read all about it in the papers.
That's why the team is in the doldrums. When Slades does his half-time team talk, it's all this correct gone mad politicalness about giving consideration to the other team as individuals and respecting their personal spaces, when he should be telling them to get up their ar*es! Not literally of course! Literally is probably exactly how he does mean it I expect!!
Of course, there's all this talk about the manager's record being better than Matt Tees's was after the same number of games. That's not good enough for the mighty Mariners though is it folks not when we're losing to the likes of Rochdale and don't even think about calling me patronising with your liberal do-gooder nonsense! Mr Slades may have been a perfectly good housemaster but what all these so-called fans who talk about being patient fail to realise is that Grimsby Town's rightful place is up there losing to the patronising likes of with the Sheffields and Wolvesesees... iese... Wolveezesise... up there with the Sheffields of this world!
So don't try telling me that Slades hasn't had enough time in the job! Nine months should be plenty of time for any half-decent manager to get a team promoted twice. It's plain common sense. Patience? Where did that ever get anyone? Town fans have the right to expect FA Champions Premierside football and to expect it now!