Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 21 July 2006

21 July 2006

Greetings again from Citizens Advice Bureau Diary as the pre-season lurches into gear with a clutch of octane-fuelled encounters. Bigging it up a bit Top Gear stylee there, wasn't I? Sorry, but football in July doesn't really excite, does it?

It's been a week of no goals for the Town but, according to witnesses, some semblance of a return to the passing game of old. No, not a reference to Part-Time Pete but to the happier days when Town played with style but rarely troubled the scoreboard. Mr Tony Butcher has again provided us with the words only he could to describe last night's 2-0 defeat at the hands (and feet) of Lincoln City.

Overall Mr B was not too unhappy as "Town played like a slow and a bit rubbish version of a Buckley team. There was no hoofing (except Barwick)." Mr B saves his invective for the one they call Harkins: "I really hope he is tremendously unfit. Far from being a midfield destroyer, he'll destroy our midfield. He's the slowest professional footballer I have ever seen. His limbs do not move in the same space-time continuum, he was almost incapable of passing the ball to team-mates. He's like a Bolland, on a bad day, playing badly with two broken legs. If Boshell is simply a small cog in a wheel inside a watch, then Harkins is the gnomon on a sundial."

Not overly impressed then, Tony? What's a gnomon?

Moving on to the saga of Luton's Michael Reddy's groin, it seems that one magic injection has made all the difference and our hero (Reddy returns) will be back to save the planet as early as next week. Call me a cynic, but this one will run and run. Unlike the player if he comes back too soon.

Good to see that someone on Town's official website can wax lyrical when required. I refer to the purple prose accompanying the Blundell Park Great Gate Giveaway: "The fortunate winner of our auction will become known throughout the length and breadth of Britain wherever Town fans come together to talk in hallowed terms of the great events witnessed at Blundell Park!" Steady on, chaps. As I write the bid stands at £255 with seven days left. Good luck to all you egomaniacal gate fans out there. As an afterthought, why not name them "Bill Gates" and pursue the seriously loaded boffin to be the saviour of the club? It's a great time to try while he's giving much of his stash to charity.

Too much sun or a good idea? Let's have a readers' poll. Oh no - wrong website. Sorry. I'll go now.

But not before a plug that those of you whose world is rocked by Mariners World can access commentary on the friendlies with Stoke on 28 July and Leeds on the 31st. Nothing unusual there, except that the commentary team will consist of Cod Almighty's Tony Butcher and Simon Wilson. Tony's style has been compared to Stuart Hall so I guess that Simon must be Eddie Waring. Should be fun!

Just two bits of late news. Firstly, according to the Telegraph, "Gary Boshell" played in midfield for Town last night. Secondly, an email has arrived from Mark Wilson enlightening the Diary as to what tendons are: "Tendon, n., a firm, white, fibrous inelastic cord that attaches muscle to bone (Churchill Livingstone's Dictionary of Nursing, 17th edition). It can be very painful, I nearly had to stop playing football because of it (Mark Wilson's Reminiscences, 1st edition)." Thanks Mark. Intrigued as to why you have the Dictionary of Nursing. Anyone else in possession of books other people might find disturbing?