Cod Almighty | Article

by Tony Rogers

6 September 2006

Fenty: "Club assured cup victory this season"

GRIMSBY Town chairman John Fenty has moved to guarantee fans that cup victory is on the cards this season. And in an unusual move, the man who has complete control of the Mariners has decided to launch the John Fenty Challenge Cup to ensure that the trophy cabinet at Blundell Park is bolstered by the end of the campaign.

Speaking at the club's swanky, vol-au-vent and bucks fizz-laden buffet launch at Blundell Park's high-class McLawrie Menemy's bistro, Fenty explained that the format is pretty straightforward. "The format is pretty straightforward. Graham Rodger's first choice XI will face off in a one-off final against a team who have struggled to win over the past few seasons - our reserves!

"It'll also give our youngsters the chance to play in a first team game - even though they'll not be in the first team - and therefore silence all the fans who think our youth policy doesn't work. So, even in the unlikely event Graham completely manages to get himself sacked by losing this game, no matter what the outcome, at end of the day Grimsby Town Football Club will be the winner! Did you know you can have a prawn cocktail platter like this on a matchday for only £5 per person?"

Fenty was also forthcoming as to why he had made this unorthodox move. "Yes, well, we at the club - well, I mean I, because let's be frank, it's my club now and I do what I like - as I was saying, I thought the fans have been starved of success for the past couple of seasons. And I want the 'feelgood' factor back in the club, back in the town. And as last season's games against Spurs and Newcastle showed, what draws the fans in more than a cup tie? So I've decided that this season will be the inaugural season of the Fenty Cup.

"The trip to Cardiff was an awful letdown for me," the Town bigwig continued. "It wasn't so much the result and the disappointment of missing out on promotion. After all, we all had a good day out, didn't we? Me, you, our families, our friends and our councillors. But did you see all those empty seats? I don't want that to happen at the Fentydome. I want there to be a buzz about this place, about this club, and I want to kickstart that. I want people to saying: 'Yes. Yes! I want to go to a Grimsby Town game and be sitting next to someone.'"

The chipper chairman wasn't finished there. "I'm already in talks with Channel Seven and hopefully the next week will see me taking control of the local station for local people," he added. "I might rename it Fenty TV or Channel Fenty or FentyVision - I'm not sure which. But anyway, the channel will carry live and exclusive coverage of the cup. This channel will be the only place to see coverage of the game, and will be fronted by the fresh-faced Dave Smith, seasoned pro Dave Boylen and our lively roving touchline reporter Dale Ladson."

With concerns regarding the technical problems that have blighted the club's coverage of the early season games on the high-class subscription web TV service World of Mariners, Fenty assertively announced: "We've invested in some top-of-the-range equipment, which my brother, erm, bought for a knockdown price from this bloke down the pub. So in the process we're saving the club money and keeping vital revenue streams going into local business, which is vital to the lifeblood of this community."

Commenting on the naming of the competition, Fenty was unmoved by criticism that the cup is just fuelling his ego. "Look, mate, I've been on countless rich lists over the past couple of years after selling my company. My name has been printed in the Times. I don't need my name on a trophy to fuel my ego! Where has your name been? On a poxy little website. Who in Grimsby knows what the internet is? I certainly don't! When your name has been in the Times, you ring me back and we'll then see whose ego is the biggest."

The club has yet to decide if supporters of the club's second XI will be given the Osmond stand. Willy Harnarwarlarnan, a Main Stand season ticket holder, also questioned whether he'd be able to get in free to the match as per the club's policy for reserve team games. A ticket office dolly said the club "wasn't sure yet". As we went to press Harnarwarlarnan was preparing to write an ANGRY letter to the Grimsby Telegraph in DISGUST.