Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 15 August 2006

15 August 2006

Most spectators at Town's three matches so far this season would observe, I think, that the team looks horribly weak in defence and short of alternatives up front. Not to worry, though - Raham Grodgers is trialling a midfielder! After being released by Cardiff at the end of last season Willie Boland was about to sign for Swindon earlier this summer but dropped the pen and legged it out of the room when he heard that third division Swansea were interested. For some reason it never worked out back in Wales, though, and the player found himself a free agent once more. Boland is an injury-prone defensive midfielder who began his career with Coventry, has scored three league goals in 272 appearances, and may have crippled Peter Handyside some time in the late 20th century. According to the Mariners' official website he may join in with training today, though there is so far no word on whether he will play for the reserves away at Rotherham tonight, where Stuarts Watkisses will be making an early bid for the manager's job by attempting to win a match.

Planet-straddling former GTFC icon Georges Santos has been rumoured all summer long to be on the verge of a return to Blundell Park. Even as he strutted his intimidating stuff in friendly matches during a trial for Brentford, the Santos-to-Grimsby whispers continued apace. Will they continue to continue now that the player is hoping to earn a contract at Brighton? Possibly. Does the Diary give much of a stuff? Not really.

Speaking of Peter Handyside, which we were two paragraphs ago, he is about to sign for Hucknall Town of the Conference North. The career of the former BP hero has followed a disappointing track since he left the Mariners in 2001, despite an initially impressive spell at Stoke. It never really clicked for him at Barnsley (see also: Gallimore, T; Boulding, M; Donovan, K), and after that it was headlong into Conference relegation battles with Northwich Victoria. Handyside (or Handysides if you prefer, which most Grimbarians do) is now 32, by which age he was widely expected by supporters of his first club to be a Premiership regular and captaining Scotland to World Cup glory. Peter Bore, please take note.

If anyone knows what John Fenty is on about now, can they please contact the Diary. Town's increasingly incoherent chairman has posted another statement on the club's official website about the blokey posturing competition going on between him and David Burns, and the longer the contest drags on, the less understandable any of it seems to be. Indeed, Mark Stilton has emailed the Diary to comment. "Given that everyone's joining in with this war of words over the radio thing," writes Mark, "I thought I'd join in. In response to Fenty's opening paragraph I'd just like to say: What? What is that? Is that English? Is the OS just patched straight into Fenty's head these days so we just get a stream of (mental) thought rambling on to the web? I'm frightened. The man's power is clearly limitless. This money they spent on hi-tech 'commentary' devices was obviously spent on some kind of Bond villain-esque, control-o-dome, brain-warp-the-masses, freakish electrono-device... I am Fenty. I am Fenty. Come visit my dome. Great Coates. Great Fenty. Great!"

Lastly today it's Paul Wright, who has also emailed the Diary about some gibberish - but this time the nonsense is the Diary's own, not the chairman's. "Your Diary entries are largely excellent pieces of writing, bordering on art at times," he begins. "However, where has the editor gone in the past three or four days? If you can look up how to spell 'methylenedioxymethamphetamine' how can you not proofread the work?" I don't know what you mean, Paul. I've seen the birth certificate and Raham Grodgers is what it says.