Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 12 February 2007

12 February 2007

Living in Grimsby means several things. On the positive side, it means a cheap mortgage and constant access to the greatest fish and chips on God's sweet Earth. But in the debit column it means rows upon rows of identical pebbledashed houses with boxy white PVC bay windows, and it means hearing ill-informed conversations about these asah-lum seekers teckin all aah jobs. Having one's roots on the south bank of the Humber also entails a hereditary optimism deficit, with the result that many of the 5,883 supporters who watched the Mariners' amazing 4-3 win over Bristol Rovers on Saturday will have gone away perversely convinced that Phil Barnes was directly to blame for the Gasheads' goals, that Alan Buckley should be sacked for signing Matty Bloomer, and probably that Danny Boshell is rubbish BOOO FENTY TITEWOD BOOOSAC VUH BOOOORDS WAISTOVMUNNY BOOO BOOO I WONT MI MUMY BOOHOOHOOOO. True, all three of the goals Town conceded were due to some pretty shocking defending, but the manager would have taken almighty hell for changing the starting formation that knocked six shades of shit out of Boston, and he was quick enough to respond when it clearly did need changing. And look at it this way: the more shocking defending Town do, the more video footage is available for the culprits to watch and learn from. It's quite mild out today as well, isn't it?

Another week, another email alerting the Diary to the news of a counteroffensive by United Nations troops against suspected armed criminal gangs in the Cite Soleil area of Port-au-Prince, Haiti. But this time Moritz Taylor has spotted an aspect of a BBC report on the operation with a peculiarly Lincolnshire resonance: "Troops entered an area of Cite Soleil known as Boston, the stronghold of a gang leader known only as Evans. Evans has been blamed for kidnappings, killings and rapes in the areas under the control of his gang." And suddenly everything falls into place - much like that looping ball from Ciaran Toner that set up Straight Peter Bore for Town's first goal at York Street the other weekend. "HA! No wonder I hate going to Boston so much," responds Moritz. "I think Steve has been hiding something much, much grimmer than his little 'financial affair'. Should we report him to Interpol?" I'd be amazed if Interpol weren't already on Cuddly Steve's case, Mo, but you could always try and get his movements watched by all those other Joy Division copyist bands from 2003 as well.

Three cheers for Danny North!