Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 5 March 2007

5 March 2007

Is it just me or do Town keep winning without actually moving up the league table? Hello, welcome to Monday's Diary, and a big shout out to the reader I met on Friday afternoon in the Southwark Tavern. Was your mate a Town fan as well? A big shout out to you both, if he was. Sorry for not getting your name - I may have been just a little overcome with the shock of rockstar-style public recognition while strolling the streets of London - but it was dead nice talking to you and that. You don't really think I'm pedantic, do you?

From the glories of a fabulous, spectacular, league status-preserving victory march against high-flying Bury to the more downbeat, workaday business of a reserve game in the Hi-De-Hi Holidays League, and Town's second string are at home to Lincoln this afternoon. Included in the starting line-up are two trialists: Leicester defender Scott Lycett, who captained the Foxes' under-18 side earlier this season and has made it to the reserves but not the first team; and Watford midfielder Ben Gill, who the Diary's Hornets-supporting mate says "might have squeezed in a place on the subs bench in a League Cup tie, but I couldn't be sure". The same Hornets-supporting mate, by the by, texted the Diary from Vicarage Road on Saturday with the news that Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink was being barracked with chants of "You're just a fat Eddie Murphy". Well, it tickled me.

And that's about it news-wise for today, unless you count Ciaran Toner not being named fourth division player of the month for February, but then neither were Danny Boshell, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink or Andy Love. Let us turn, then, to the Diary's inbox, where an email awaits from the production team of Town's estimable matchday programme. "We at The Mariner were browsing through our extensive archive of photos from this season, and came across this little beauty (right). Do our eyes deceive us, or is that a well-respected Cod Almighty match reporter snuggling up to Mighty Santa Mariner in the BP Grotto? If this doesn't make the News of the World on Sunday then I'm Michael Essien's decidedly Jammie Dodger." It's what Mighty Santa was giving to Tony B that intrigues the Diary. A new overcoat catalogue, perhaps, or an original vinyl copy of Rush's third album Caress of Steel? Enquiring minds need to know.

Cast back your mind to last Thursday's Diary, and an email in which Joe Mooney questioned the authenticity of the signatories to the 'MBE for Macca' petition, citing the name of one Sharon Codd as particularly, heh, fishy. Well, Sharon is alive and well and has emailed the Diary to prove it. "Just to confirm I do exist and I am an original 'cod head', albeit double D. And as a Brucie bonus I also work for Young's. Hope this clears any doubts about my name! And yes, it was me who signed the petition, having been a Town supporter since Cod, errrr, God was a lad. Macca for a knighthood! Perhaps not, but we'll settle for the MBE!" Thanks, Sharon - great to hear from you. I'd like to finish this paragraph with a bad fish pun now, but I have to consider the Diary's reputation for insightful wit, and this would leave people just queueing up to knock me off my perch.

Last up it's John Pakey, who is also concerned with the MBE thing, and when I say concerned I mean, you know, apoplectic. "CHRIS KAMARA? MBE? Joking? But no, sadly not. The bloke who has done nothing for sport but become famous for a catchphrase of 'unbelievable' and shouting has an online petition at 10 Downing Street to make him an MBE. Bloody joke. I got so angry when I heard this at work on Saturday I got up and shouted at Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday. It's a bloody disgrace. Once again actual achievement is overlooked for fucking celebrity. Cocks. Maybe this should be where the John McDermott campaign for recognition should go. The guy is a legend, someone who is a true example of loyalty in a rotten sport such as football. I'm off to kick the cat." That's the trouble with democracy, though, John. Next thing they'll be giving the vote to people from Hull.