Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 8 October 2007

8 October 2007

The Diary barely bothers to watch Premier League football on the telly any more, largely because cheating has become so normalised in the top division that it is no longer even considered noteworthy by commentators, let alone the witless goons like Alan Shearer who are paid handsomely to mumble their worthless observations back in the studio. If only the Mariners could be as securely insulated from the Murdoch Cheating and Money League as the Diary - and then perhaps their results might not be adversely affected by shit decisions from supposedly top-flight referees. We are referring, lest you be unaware, to Mike Dean, who was instrumental in Town's undeserved 2-1 defeat at Peterborough on Saturday - not least by awarding the home side's winning penalty for a foul that took place outside the penalty area. And Nick Fenton is to be believed, Dean has brazenly admitted as much. Speaking to the Grimsby Telegraph, the GTFC defender explains: "The referee even said the first contact was outside the box, but that he then went into the box. But, if the first contact is outside the box, that's where the free kick is, surely." Surely! In tomorrow's Diary: Town face takeover bid from Indonesian billionaire human rights abuser.

What's the difference between the BBC's Question Time and GTFC's Question Time? One uses a quasi-democratic audience participation-based discussion format in order to hoodwink the public into believing that dialogue and debate alone can convince those in positions of power to effect popular change in the interests of the common people, while the other... oh. Actually, the Diary is being a little unfair to the Mariners' occasional Q&A exercises - another of which is now being trailed on the club's superb new official website - because they can sometimes be genuinely informative and revealing. It's just that at the moment I'm not especially looking forward to several pages of John Fenty saying it's not actually his decision whether the manager uses a 4-5-1 formation but in time everything will come good on the pitch, except if he doesn't get to build his Fentydome in which case we're all doomed.

Hard on the heels of the recent Eighteenquidtositintheosmondgate scandal, Dave the Soon to be Ex-Engineer has emailed the Diary to tell of another cash-grasping shocker at Blundell Park. "Having been told of impending redundancy," writes Dave, "I was busy trawling the net and casually logged onto the SNOS. Book your tickets online, it said. I followed all the info and was about to save the phone call when I spied the admin charge of £1. Taking the 'p' when you are saving GTFC time and wages by not tying up an administrative-type person, although having discovered this scam, that might be a suitable solution. Up the Mariners." Sorry to hear your bad news, sir, and I hope you find yourself back in gainful employment as soon as poss. Still, at least you don't have to pay as much as away fans at BP to sit in a much worse stand than the Frozen Beer.

Lastly today, Ben Gresswell has taken up Middle Aged Diary's invitation last week to suggest GTFC-themed paint colours in time for tomorrow night's Dulux Cup game at Rotherham. "What about Fenty Orange?" he suggests cheekily. "A really bright and positive burst of citrus. You know, along the lines of 'The future's bright, the future's Fenty'?" Fine idea, Ben - and a welcome, optimistic contrast to the area's prevalent mood of Grimbarian Grey.