Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 17 January 2008

17 January 2008

Which do you want first: the good news or the bad news? Actually, I'll just give you the bad news first because by the time I check my email again to find out your answer, it'll be time to write tomorrow's Diary, and I have to do today's now. The bad news is that two Town players have already been ruled out of Saturday's game at Dagenham & Redbridge. The good news is that neither has taken much part in the Mariners' recent run of good form. The club's superb new official website has reported this morning that Martin Butler and Ciaran Toner will sit out this weekend's "Dagger's Trip" with back and hamstring injuries respectively. Butler, of course, missed last Saturday's win over Wrexham with the same thing, while Toner's problem seems to have faded and then recurred about eight times in the last week. While discussing the players' state of health Lord Alan Buckley slips in a reference to recent speculation over Butler's future: "Martin has recently signed an 18 month contract with us and he is a Grimsby Town player," the GTFC boss reminds us, glaring pointedly at the Grimsby Telegraph, Gresty Road, and anyone who doubts his infallibility.

Mark Wilson, bless his cotton socks, has provided a nice, smooth link between paragraphs by emailing the Diary on this very subject. "If Martin Butler is wearying of his commute to Blundell Park he could always show his commitment to the club by moving here," writes Mark, "and if that wearies him, Worcester to Crewe on the M5 and M6 will make him weary of life itself. I f*cking hate footballers." Oooh, but is it really worse than the M42? I can't believe I'm talking about roads. That was Mark's asterisk, by the way, not the Diary's; I fucking hate asterisks.

"Can you PLEASE keep your wholly predictable and not entirely relevant political prejudices and diatribes out of this footie-based website," begins an email from someone called Nick who's withheld his surname. "Imagine, some of your readers might actually have voted for Maggie Thatcher." Yes - just as I imagine some of them might think Lennie Lawrence was great and Jeremy Clarkson isn't a pompous, reactionary fucktard, but then I do credit my readers with the intelligence necessary to enjoy a piece of knockabout hyperbole without having to subscribe to its ideological underpinning in every respect. "Or at least even it out, and let's have some crap-chucking over the inglorious Blair/Brown (Lab) legacy and Vince Cable (others) and his choice of ties. No - let's have none of it at all. Ta." Sorry, Nick - but the Diary only slates political parties that are represented in elections by GTFC directors. I'll write what I like, just as you've written what you like - and if you only want to read whatever is "entirely relevant" then there are plenty of other websites that do exactly what it says on the tin. What's the deal with Cable's ties anyway? I'm intrigued now.

Every time the Diary sees Channel 4, I feel like being a rock star and throwing my TV through the window. Perhaps this is the chain of events that befell Loughborough Mariner, who has emailed to say: "Not having a TV, the whole Young's Great Grimsby thing had passed me by until reading about it in the Diary, which led me to have a peek at their website. Wouldn't it be marvellous if next season's kit had 'Great Grimsby - The Home Of Fish' emblazoned across the front of it? It would almost rival the 'Europe's Food Town' kit (which, to be fair, has been our most stylish top for many a season) for sheer sponsor cringeworthy-ness! I can't wait!" I'd wear it, Loughborough - but the value of the Diary's endorsement must be questionable given that most of what I wear would get me banned from McMenemy's for life.

That's it then - thanks for reading, come back tomorrow for Guest Diary, and get stacking them sandbags. See ya!