Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 6 February 2008

6 February 2008

There's nothing to report today beyond a routine postponement for Town's reserves and a headache-inducing cinéma-vérité transport feature on Mariners World about fans going to Notts County by coach. So, like media editors the world over, the Diary will today unscrupulously exploit its readers to fill out some empty space and give me an easier life. I mean explore the limitless potential offered by the innovative and democratic new concept of user-generated content. Yeah, that's it. Ahem.

And the first such user is John Pakey, who has emailed about the sponsor-driven "dedicate yourself to the club thing" that has occupied the Diary and its readers this week. "I agree, it is tosh. I mean, I think watching your team play fourth division football against Morecambe (and the rest) is already pretty dedicated. However, there are some of us out there who have named our pets after their favourite player. By the way, Macca is coming up to his third birthday and is fit and healthy. He's got a new little brother called Brandy. I was pushing for Croft, but mum was wised up to it now and was having none of it." Thanks, John - maybe you could compromise on 'Guinness' next time as a halfway point between alcoholic beverages and Tony Gallimore. Readers wishing to fill in for the Diary by volunteering humorously apposite domestic pet/GTFC player combinations are guided to the usual email address.

"Hello you crazy Grimsbarianites," grins Pete Brooksbank, who has emailed on the same subject. "So, Wilko Value Paint want to know what lengths YOU would go to in your duties as a gullible football supporter eh? Well as a Boston 'Bankrupt' United supporter, surely I automatically qualify as the winner. That said, I will happily step aside and let Mike claim this dubious distinction for himself if he so wishes. But only if he implores Tony Crane to shed a few dozen more pounds/stone." The Crazy Legs worship continues at Pete's splendid website impsTALK, which explains: "Basically, if you don't think Tony Crane has been Boston United's best player this season, you are a retard. Fact." I'll believe it when I see the ball return to Earth from the penalty he missed against Morecambe in 2005.

Pete's email ends "P.S. - sciatic nerve," referring to yesterday's Martin Butler story, in which the 'wantaway' Town forward ascribed his lack of fitness to a problem with his "septic nerve", which was all very believable apart from there being no such thing as a septic nerve. "Sometimes the septic nerve gets crossed with the optic nerve and causes you to have a crappy outlook on everything," writes David Jagger, explaining that this is "a quote from Carlos Benjamin. That'll be Town's Brazilian star, who used to do a daily commute from Rio, if I remember correctly!" Martyn Wyburn, meanwhile, has another explanation. "Perhaps Mr Butler is referring to his sceptic nerve," he ponders. "I've got one of those. It gets tweaked every time he says he wants to play for Grimsby."

Lastly today, Mat Hare is here to fill another gap in the Diary's knowledge, this time relating to the sponsor of that award won by Danny North the other day. "Powerade is one of them isotonic sports drink thingies," says Mat. "Y'know, those bright green and bright blue drinks that them athletes swear by. Supposedly so much better for you than water and makes you like 800% better than someone who drinks bog standard drinks. It's probably just a bit of them blue Mr Freezes mixed with some water or summat daft though. And what were they all about? Who the bloody hell thought raspberry flavour should be blue? But I digress. Powerade's basically just a cross between flat pop, squash and good old-fashioned water." Well, thanks Mat. The great danger of user-generated content is that you end up with Have Your Say, but today's Diary has been more like QI. Thanks everyone - and I'll see you tomorrow!