Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Monday 17 March 2008
17 March 2008
Today is not a good Diary day. It's not a bad day for the Diary - the remains of the disappointing vindaloo that took an hour and 20 minutes to be delivered last night seem to have been improved by their 12 hours maturing in the fridge - but it's not a good Diary day, as there is chuff all to tell you about the Mariners. We probably won't get in the play-offs after stumbling to defeat on a pitch that should have Darlington thrown out of the league; GTFC are getting to grips with Paypal to shift a few more tickets for some match or other at the end of the month; and today's Mariners World interview with Martin Butler may be the most supremely pointless and uninformative item of football media ever created.
It is a good thing, in the circumstances, that Richard Lord has flung an email this way - and even better that it stretches to two paragraphs. "I know Alan Shearer's done that cycling thing to raise cash," is how the first one begins, "and for that he should be applauded - especially as he had to endure the company of Adrian Chiles and his highly annoying Brummie monotones for the whole journey - but I couldn't help detecting that wily ol' Shearer still has it in for referees, despite playing out most of his career as 'a right dirty bastard', in the words of my good Newcastle-supporting friend. He seemed to disagree with every decision the referee made in the Arsenal/Middlesbrough game, and talked about 'little shoves' that strikers don't get away with but defenders do. And then I noticed the referee who wasn't very high in Shearer's estimation was none other than Mark Halsey, the official who allowed Justin Whittle to deliver that smug, arrogant, self-satisfied hypocrite a much deserved and long overdue elbow in the face." Y'see, I could take Town not getting promoted when we had things to divert us, like that and Steve Evans getting thrown out of Blundell Park...
"It's ironic," continues Richard. "Mark Halsey has been my favourite referee ever since that time he gave us two penalties and sent an opposing defender off in that 6-1 win over Barnsley four seasons ago. Halsey even had the good sense to show Tony Crane a red card in that game too, for being a hot-tempered, fat-bottomed, useless waste of space, who couldn't keep his fists to himself when 5-1 up. Let it be known - Mark Halsey is awesome; Shearer is a moaning bastard who won't let a bit of 'humerus' fun go. (Actually, I've done a search and it appears to be Whittle's ulna bone that connected with Shearer's lip that night)." Of course, the best possible fundraiser for Sport Relief would've been like Ricky Gervais and, um, that other bloke did the other year: Whittle v Shearer slugging it out in the ring. I just can't quite see the millionaire sheet metalworker's son readily agreeing to let the Sarge 'do him' again, is all.