Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 16 May 2008

16 May 2008

"It is that time of year when you have to be patient." So said that perennially chirpy but strangely lugubrious Mr Watkiss(es) the other day. So if it is news you are looking for, that is the reason you will have to be patient this weekend, because there isn't any really.

Here is the proof. What links Grimsby Town to Macclesfield just now, gentle reader? Your Guest Diarist will spare you the torment of finding the answer: Town, along with Macclesfield, and, oh, Rotherham, is the only team on the BBC football page for our division, which has had nothing newsworthy enough to report since the last dull league match of last season. The superb new official club website, meanwhile, is reduced to running a piece about Football League attendances.

But positives can be taken in that the article mentions that more people watched Town than in the previous season. And, although the piece was obviously written by a lazy-arse like me who could not be bothered to calculate the average home gate, it is fairly obvious that our average attendance is average for the division at just under four and a half thousand. But the average for division three this season has been nigh on 8,000. And the division two average was over 18,000. So if we had somehow got promotion, how much would our gate have risen by? Alright, don't splutter. Given that we are told that we cannot compete with the 'financial heavyweights' in the bottom division, even though we have average attendances, it would seem daft to 'concentrate on the league' next season. No, we have to go for broke in every cup competition and pray we can get a plum draw that will waken the thousands of Grimbarians who only attend such occasions. How else will we find a few million to pay for the new stadium, or even a couple of hundred thousand to address the chairman's recurring shortfall?

The Grimsby Telegraph is equally short of Mariners news, to the point where it has to run not only one interview with Steve Croudson, but two. In another piece which appeared a couple of days ago the Telewag has been keeping tabs on former player Gary Jones. How sad to describe the Lump thus, eh? Apparently the Lumpmeister so enjoyed the first ankle operation that he has opted to have it again on his other leg (which hasn't given him any pain at all). The article also contains this paragraph: "Last week, Mariners boss Alan Buckley confirmed that Jones' agent was looking around the striker's Wirral home to see what is on offer, if anything, next season." One assumes this reporter was not referring to Lump's missus or owt.

But if you want something to read after today's lacklustre Diary, then read this. A scathing article, full of truisms and acerbic humour like: "One result of a football club's position being so defined by its wealth is that casual supporters almost all support one of the top three teams. Although they have no connection with the area or affinity with the club, they can buy the shirt and stand in pubs yelling 'Go on my son!' But they might as well go round asking people which planet they support, and whatever the answer they can reply: 'Well I support Jupiter - and we've won the biggest planet championship four billion years in a row. Can you hear the Venus sing - no-oh, no-oh.'" There, I said it was worth a look. See yer.