Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 5 June 2008

5 June 2008

The lack of updates since Tuesday on the issue of season ticket sales may suggest that Grimsby Town FC have achieved the seemingly impossible and become even more unpopular in Grimsby recently than they've always been, but there's good news to report today in the retention of two less conspicuous but useful members of last season's squad. Today's Grimsby Telegraph is reporting that new one-year contracts have been agreed by Jamie Clarke - who seemed to the Diary more tidily capable than anyone last season of providing that elusive blend of defence and creativity in central midfield - and Gary Montgomery, who is surely the Mariners' best second-choice keeper since Harry Wainman hung up his gloves to start selling them in his sporting equipment boutique. Was that down Freemo? I can't remember now. "Both have agreed to stay and accepted their offers and will sign at the end of this week," reveals Lord Alan Buckley, and although the news is yet to be confirmed by the club's superb new official website, credit is due to the SNOS and Town's communications department for not running a misleading "Exclusive! Two new signings this week!"-type story and trying to flog subscriptions to its 24-hour official text message service on the back of it.

Today's news is unlikely to damp down the flaming wrath of Lee Bradley, who has emailed the Diary to observe: "The club says sorry that the club shop will be closed during, and I quote, 'these exciting times'. Have the backroom staff been deeply inhaling the fumes from this rare lick of paint at Blundell Park? Or are they all as cock-a-hoop as the rest of us at the prospect of us fielding a starting XI next season containing only two defenders? 'COME TO BLUNDELL PARK AND SEE GOALS AT BOTH ENDS'. Sarcasm aside, at the moment I am failing to see anything exciting about next season. However, as always, up the Mariners." It's a good job it isn't next season yet then, really, eh?

Before I hand over to Guest Diary tomorrow, there's one more email - this time from Mr Mark Stilton, who has written in response to yesterday's item about potential punning headlines involving Matthew Bird. "Your puns are far too good," reckons Stilts. "For proper tabloid puns, you need a more tenuous link. May I suggest: You Bird it here first (Matty to stay another season), Bird's Custard (young defender's slip-up in box gives opposition three points) and Bird and the Bees (young defender linked with move to Brentford)." Fine work! Why did we never do any of these for Straight Peter Bore...?