Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Wednesday 20 August 2008
20 August 2008
Ah, Winterton Rangers - where would we be without you? Every time Town need to struggle to a narrow victory against sub-Conference opposition without spending too much money on diesel for the team coach, there you are. It was, of course, a reserve side that traipsed out 1-0 victors from last night's friendly up the road - albeit one featuring a number of players from the first team or thereabouts, such as Jamie Clarke, Danny Boshell, Straight Peter Bore and Big Danny North. The goal came from Nathan Jarman - a "stunning 35-yarder", says Town's superb new official website; he seems to be good at those - while the Bosh played a full 90 in his latest injury comeback, and two trialists seem to have done their chances no harm: Nicky 'He Used to Play for Arsenal, You Know' Nicolau and Frank Belt, a right-back who came through the not especially renowned youth system at King$ton Communication$ FC. Gary Montgomery made some fine saves, reports the Telewag, so if Nicolau can just fill in at left-back then that's three of the positions covered where the Mariners looked weakest in last Saturday's thrashing at Brentford. Huzzah!
And so to Chesterfield. In 2001 they cheated their way to the third division. In 2004 they cheated us out of our place in the third division. In 2008 we cheated them back, with a series of dodgy penalties playing a key role as Town inflicted a league double over the Derbyshire side. I can't remember where this was going now. Oh yeah - violence. This Saturday's game between the two sides at Blundell Park kicks off at 12 noon after some silly little boys were naughty last time. And the Mariners' defeat at Saltergate in the first round of this season's Dulux Cup has also now been allotted a role in the relentless march of time, life and death: it will begin at 7:30pm on Wednesday 3 September. The Diary heard from a bloke at work yesterday that Jack Lester is injured again, so that's a bit of good news ahead of Saturday, at any rate.
A few years ago Cod Almighty boasted a somewhat more almighty editorial team, roughly twice the size of its current, sorry, diminished rump. One of its members was Andy Holt, who used to entertain readers of a numeric bent with a series of interesting statistical analyses covering various aspects of Town's performances and recent history. Today a Diary reader steps into the large void left by Andy's sodding-off to New Zealand. An email to the Diary from Richard Lord explains: "Well, it turns out that I'm the one with the time and inclination to discover that Alan Buckley does indeed enjoy being the cup-shocker rather than being the cup-shocked." Oh yes? Please, carry on...
"According to my research," continues Richard, "(which is often sketchy and unreliable as those who know me will agree that, when performed in the blasé, time-restricted fashion of the best superb new official website, my work suffers) Buckley has managed us in 84 cup ties to date. On 32 occasions we have played teams from a higher division, winning 11 of those, losing 14 and drawing seven. That's a 34 per cent success rate, I'll have you know. On 21 occasions we have played teams from a lower division, winning 11, losing five and drawing five. That's a 52 per cent success rate, but more importantly we've only lost 32 per cent of games to lower league opposition.
"So, in conclusion, we inflict more cup shocks upon teams than they do on us, by 2 per cent, which was my initial hunch - but I'll admit I didn't realise it was that close. And just if you were wondering, when facing teams from the same division in cup games we've played 31, won 15, lost ten and drawn six. I'd just like to thank Soccerbase, Google, my parents - who have been supporting me through this tough time - all my friends (you know who you are), Princess Diana and Jesus. I love you all." Moving words there from a world-class statto. So, Richard - now that you've volunteered to resurrect Ballpark Figures, when can we expect the next instalment?