Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 29 October 2008

29 October 2008

"All together now... 1, 2, 3, wahey!"

The only way to Save Our Town is for a small man to count to three. We all know that not only are people the same wherever you go, but there is good and bad, mmm-mmm, then Dave Boylen. I'm Deviant Diary and, like Mr ReNewell, I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more!

Take what? Yesterday, that's what, when all our troubles seemed so faraway in that London. "Has the bottom fallen out of everybody's world?" asks Mr Jeremy Baily. No, not in impotent rage over events down in the Cockernee badlands but a gaping hole in his life as Tuesday afternoon was never ending. "What happened to my daily dose of Diary on Tuesday?" A very good question indeed Jeremy - I'm glad you asked us that. The designated driver forgot his keys and walked home through the fog of despair. We don't know where he is, but we have sent the helicopter of hope out to search for the hero. We'll be lending it to Mr ReNewell later as he combs this crumbling land for men with hearts of oak.

Steady boys, steady! We'll fight and we'll conquer again! Hurrah! Sorry, that should be "1, 2, 3, steady boys, steady! We'll fight and we'll conquer again! Hurrah!"

Or perhaps we should all just treat Tuesday as a void day: it never happened, alright? Especially if Wednesday morning papers didn't come.

Oh, alright, I suppose we have to mention it. That exhibition friendly kickabout last night in wet and woeful Dagenham. If anyone was there and can be bothered, please whisk a trifling reportette to us, as the official Cod Almighty matchday Fentybaiter, like Town's players, stayed at home and watched it on Ceefax.

Be positive John, for with the Luton/Bournemouth match being abandoned due to despair Town cannot be caught by the naughty boys until 25 November 2008 at the earliest. Get out your abacus and poke your tea leaves - it's competition time! When will see we three points again, when will we share precious moments? Remember a big thing or a small, the winner takes it all. Such poetry.

Enough sullen avoidance of things past; let us bang the metaphorical drum for the shining city on the hill that is Town's wonderful future of wonderfulness. Oh no! Gawky toryboy, Positive Orange Juice Fenty, the rapping councillor, wants a choir and band to fill the dead air. Doesn't he realise there's already a Greek chorus? In these straightened times perhaps a single instrument will do. Ladies and gentlemen, please stand for the Last Post.

Laughter is the best medicine, they say, so here are two teaspoons of comedy linctus to help put the grin back in Grinsby (© Grimsby Telegraph). First, in a quest to find a footballer of less use than Marie Antoine-Curier, Town stumbled upon Tomi Ameobi, and therefore succeeded in something this season. We should rejoice, rejoice, rejoice in that. Reflecting on his trips to the seaside, chesty Ameobi has opined: "I started in two games while at Grimsby and I felt that I did quite well." Tomi, we don't opine for your return. And never one to avoid shooting a dead fish, let's turn to today's Grimsby Telegraph, which reports of last night: "The home side were relentless and Town's negative equity was soon doubled thanks to the capital side's Gain." A classic of its kind, possibly written in an attic, and that's being kind.

Clunk-click, every trip, even in a bubble car.