Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 1 October 2008

1 October 2008

How many people say the league table doesn't lie? Well, I think we all know, based purely on the ability to win football matches this season, that Grimsby Town come bottom of the pile. Only they're not, of course, so it seems the league table has developed a sense of humour and is craftily avoiding the truth these days, at least in the fourth division, and your West Yorkshire Diary can't help but point out that those people who say it never lies are notable by their absence.

There have been more managerial names touted for the Grimsby Town job in these past two weeks than I would care to shake a stick at, and I'll tell you that for nothing. No, on the other hand, I'll tell you that for 20p - or 50p, or whatever the club's official SMS text alert service charges these days. Michael Appleton has popped up out of nowhere, and clearly it's just a matter of time before the likes of Lee Ashcroft, Lee Nogan and Wayne Burnett are mentioned. Do you reckon Michael Jeffrey would have loads of contacts?

Town have been chopping and changing their manager this millennium about as regularly as that awful Nicky Hambleton-Jones changes her glasses on 10 Years Younger. She's annoying, but you still would, wouldn't you? Your West Yorkshire Diary has seen her strut about on Channel 4 in the kind of sexually cultivated way that suggests she's probably quite dirty in the bedroom department. Let me tell you something, Paul. Supporting Grimsby Town is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You eagerly anticipate your next encounter; you prepare yourself by spending lots of time in the pub beforehand; and then you spend 90 minutes with each other, if you're lucky, after which you realise that the performance wasn't what it used to be and the end result makes you want to go home and cry yourself to sleep in a darkened room.

I suppose the above is a kind of cross between Swiss Toni and something Ian Holloway might say. It's all gone quiet on the Holloway front, and if rumours of an approach for Leroy Rosenior are to be believed - yes, the man who was reportedly sacked 10 minutes after being appointed manager of Torquay for the second time, and who is currently filling his time as a Five Live 'pundit' (but without the puns) - I think we can confidently put the Holloway hope to bed: as appropriate a place as any, given today's theme. Sort it out, Fenty! He'd be an option of the less expensive variety!

Since messageboard rumours arose a couple of days ago suggesting that Steve Evans, of brown envelope fame, was approached to take over the reins at Blundell Park, the superb new official site has burst onto the scene, like Batman and Robin (the '60s version starring Adam West and Burt Ward) to punch, kick and throw poorly assembled wooden chairs at these pesky messageboard shit-stirrers, producing a scuffle of explosive onomatopoeia while someone strums the show's theme tune on the bass guitar in the background. You can probably understand why the club is sensitive about being accused of approaching another manager and being told, in no uncertain terms (or in the Fishy's terms), to 'intercourse off' if it weren't true in the first place, so they've quashed the Evans thing before it had got remotely warm - and also the bit about Ronnie Jepson being a contender too. If they keep quashing rumours at this rate they might be in danger of revealing who's on this magical List of Eight.

But I reckon the SNOS could have at least found a better picture to use to accompany the article than that of Evans attempting to lick the top row of his teeth while waving his arms about frantically and looking like his eyes are about to pop out of his head. Maybe that picture was taken at the exact moment he was told by the fourth official to leave Blundell Park and sit on the coach for being a naughty sweary person.

But away from all this managerial nonsense, there was a rather nice interview on Mariners World with that rather nice goalkeeper of that rather nice time we spent in the second division. Danny Coyne was back in town to catch up with old mate Steve Croudson - who is, of course, the goalkeeping coach at Blundell Park. It sounds like Coyne sat through the full 90 minutes on Saturday, so any affection he had for the club where he played some of the best football of his career would have been drained away almost entirely. But he still keeps an eye out for our results, so that's nice.