Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 14 January 2009

14 January 2009

Chambers Diary writes: Ever find yourself spending an evening with nothing else to do than sit in front of the gogglebox and then there's nothing decent to watch? Most nights for me. Plopping that sexy lass from LA Law into Emmerdale won't enliven that dreary make-believe Yorkshire village. Licence fee payer, you have funded a mismatched pair's drinking jaunt round this hallowed land! John To. Rode. Put. Ting. A. Brief. Pause. Be. Tween. Ev. E. Ry. Syl. La. Ble. No! Stop! And close your mouth while you're eating as well! Were you brought up on Ings Lane, lad?

Give me ten minutes of Sky Soccer Night and its Ludovico treatment of unrelenting talking to, talking between, highlights, league tables, GOALS!, and results. Last night the on-screen chaos was a sea of calm, my eyes drawn only to one line, the top of their vidiprinter box: "Grimsby Res 1 Middlesbrough Res 1". I was befuddled. The biscuit being dunked into my tea soggied and fell away to the bottom of the cup as I tried to fathom what I was seeing. I was lost in incomprehension. But why? Maybe Murdoch had succeeded. Maybe my brain had finally shorted from an excess of Soccer.

Confused? Don't be. Just go to www.gtfc.co.uk! There you will find a comprehensive breakdown of the match. Learn that trialists Kevin Tsunami and Craig David were allowed to play, but Nicholas Chrysanthemum wasn't and didn't. Be amazed that the Town goalkeeper, Nick Montgomery, was in the thick of the action, giving away a penno, saving it, and then setting up Danny North's equaliser with a highly creative long knock upfield. And groan discovering young Danny boy very nearly snatched a win with a shot late that twonked against the bar. Such excitement, such drama!

Two weeks locked away without a match is driving me stir crazy! I am even getting excited about a reserves game! It will all be over on Saturday. I can't wait! And why else would I have possibly been confused about reading that result last night? It was as if... It was as if I was expecting the game to be played today...