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Diary - Tuesday 9 June 2009

9 June 2009

Football - it's the new craze! The only thing cutting-edge on the south bank of the Humber, even the proudest Grimbarian would admit, is the aural membrane-splitting way we pronounce our vowels. Accordingly, almost two decades after Paul Gascoigne blubbed his way out of the World Cup and the rest of England decided this football thing that they used to play in the old days might not be so bad after all, the population of Grimsby and Cleethorpes seems to have caught up at last, with the GTFC club shop shifting gajillions of new replica shirts and recording the biggest first-day season ticket sales in 23 years. "We were anticipating a tremendous first day of sales but this has far exceeded our expectations," beams Town's accounts manager Mr Steve Wraith, looking forward to Grimsby soon joining the rest of the developed world in enjoying other modern innovations such as broadband, Indian food and hot running water.

It's a funny old game indeed that expects supporters to become dewy-eyed over the issue of which large private company pays some money to have its name put on part of the stadium. That is precisely the scenario, though, as large private company Findus pays some money to have its name put on the part of Blundell Park that was opened in the early 1980s on the site of the former Barrett stand. Granted, it was Findus that stumped up most of the costs of building the thing and thus became the first sponsor of the stand that has since been named after several different kinds of really shit beer - but whichever way you cut it, it's still a story for the suits, so you can colour me not particularly interested really. Now if they issue a replica shirt with the Findus name running vertically down one of the white stripes, that's a different matter entirely.

After Sky came to Blundell Park last year to do that daft crossbar challenge thing and a leading first-team player introduced himself to the camera by saying "Phil Barnes, goalkeeper, out of contract this season", he presumably went home, sat back and expected a flurry of offers for his services from football clubs of vastly superior status. So what has happened since Barnes was sent packing, along with Tom Newey and Gary Montgomery, and Town suddenly became good? Well, the going home and sitting back part all went pretty well and, although the player has yet to receive a megabucks deal from the likes of Barcelona, Internazionale or Peterborough United, there is a firm offer on the table from Gainsborough Trinity.

Over now to the Diary's inbox, where Mark Stilton has reprised the issue of interesting ways to travel to Town matches, which last week brought us tales of Lambrettas, narrowboats and cross-Channel ferries. "I expect if you asked the same question in ten years," muses Mark, "you'll get lots of replies saying: 'I used to walk, yes, WALK to football matches. From a local pub. Can you believe it?' If we're just making all these new grounds accessible to motorists then wouldn't the best thing be to just build them all at various points up the M1? Or maybe in a big ring around Birmingham." A valid point indeed, as with every day that passes the Mariners' plans for the edge-of-town Fentydome look more and more dated architecturally, socially and environmentally. Bring it back into town, councillor, and you might find as much support for the new stadium as there is for the new team.

"Whilst I have no novel method of away travel to share with you," writes Jan Przeniczny, "I thought I would add a bit to CA as it's a lean time until the first ball is kicked in the 2009-10 season. Anyway, a few crumbs is better than no loaf! In 1996, Saturday 27 January, I set out with my son and his mate for the Mariners v West Ham fourth round FA Cup match. It had been snowing the night before so we set out bright and early, suitably provisioned for polar exploration. I was on the A1 past Donny when BBC Humber announced that the match had been called off. (This is not the story - just a backdrop/padding out session.) Few days earlier a group of factory employees asked me if they could use the company Transit van over the weekend. No reason given, but... that Saturday they arrived at Upton Park at 1:30 pm. The radio in the van hadn't worked for months. As an aside, they took a settee in the back (citation required) with cases of beer (citation not required - empties left in the back). No fridge for cooling required as the heating in a transit was never designed for total heating of van. The van was never asked for again, as the ribbing the six got must have put them off." Um... "Will try harder for a story next time." Thanks, Jan! It's either that or we run a piece about Simon Grand.