Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 15 July 2009

15 July 2009

The Diary is currently attempting to work out, with Mrs Diary and Baby Diary, when the three of us might be able to manage a weekend away together. This, of course, demands close attention to the Mariners' fixture list. In particular, I could quite do with knowing which games have been moved from Saturdays to Friday nights - so can anyone remember? Was it just the Accrington, Northampton and Morecambe games, or did they announce some others? The reason I have to ask you is that I had a look on the superb new official website's fixture page, and of course they haven't been fucking bothered to update it with the changes to Friday nights during the three weeks since they announced them. Let's just hope, for the club's sake as well as the fans', that nobody is looking at the page and buying a season ticket in the belief that all the weekend football will be in its proper place on Saturday afternoons.

Mat Hare has emailed the Diary with a guess as to how the "Adrian Forbes has got a big..." song might progress, since (a) Mariners World is happy to talk about the song but too shy to tell us the next word; and (b) we conclusively established here yesterday that there is no way the song can possibly be about Forbes's cock. "Could the end of this be '...challenge ahead of him if he is to break into the first team on a regular basis with the Mariners' squad rather heavily weighted in favour of attack and containing a number of strikers perceived to be better than Mr Forbes'?" asks Mat. "Granted, it's not as catchy as other terrace chants but it's factually correct, which surely puts it ahead of many a football song." I like it, Mr Hare. I like it so much that every player in the squad should have his own version. Danny North's, for instance, could end "...Mac".

On the subject of Danny's dietary preferences, the 21-year-old nemesis of Chesterfield makes use of a really quite entertaining new Mariners World item to address the widely propagated myth that he necks more McDonald's than Morgan Spurlock. Intrepid MW reporter Dale 'Penis Peter Sweeney' Ladson has somehow smuggled his camera into the Devon hotel Town's players are staying at, and does his best to conduct a proper interview as Nathan Jarman sits up in bed and North plays on a laptop and the two of them just basically piss about for a bit. "Me and Northy both had salads, din't we?" explains the Jarm. "We actually did, mate. Marks and Spencer's sandwich, I had!" enthuses his roommate as the camera refrains from a close-up of his waistline. "The rest of the lads had a Burger King or something," adds NJ. The Diary is far from convinced that a salad and a Marks and Spencer's sandwich are the same thing, but I'm so won over by all this supersized banter that we'll just cut to my favourite section of dialogue from the piece:

"You're not really gonna put that on Mariners World though, are you?"
"Mmm."
"Really?"
"Mmm."
"That's crazy!"

What's the team news, then, as the players limber up for tonight's kickabout against a ragtag band of Belgian students who lost 5-0 to Yeovil the other day? Put simply, everyone's taking it in turns, as Mr Re-Newell is talking about making ten half-time substitutions - or, as the SNOS puts it (and Keith Collins has already emailed the Diary to point out), the manager "may decide to play to different teams in each half". I think he should play to the Harlem Globetrotters in the first half and The Go! Team in the second.