Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Tuesday 25 August 2009
25 August 2009
"Let's shut out shots" is the headline of a piece in today's Grimsby Telegraph, which sounds like such a good idea that you wonder why Ryan Bennett and his fellow GTFC defenders didn't think of it before. Then you read the article and realise that "shots" should actually have said "Shots" and our Raz is talking up the need to build on last week's 1-0 win at Bury by keeping a clean sheet at home to Aldershot this weekend. Town's prodigious young centre-half and captain goes on to perform an impressive balancing act by speaking of the need for first-choice keeper Nick Colgan to return from injury as soon as poss without jeopardising the confidence of loanee Tommy Forecast. "It's not nice to keep having to change the goalkeeper. Tommy has come in and you can see from the clubs he has been at that he is a top class keeper. So it doesn't really make too much difference," improvises Ryan, ducking sharply as a trapeze artist flies across his tightrope.
Money can buy you a lot of things. It can buy you more good lower-division strikers than you'll ever need, to the extent that you can buy them just to stop them scoring for your rival teams. It can buy you a great big new stadium - especially if it's the council's money - to attract 20,000 people who've never been to a game of football before in their whole lives but presumably nurture an odd fetish for cantilevers. Ultimately, it seems, money can buy you a place in the Premier League. But one thing it can't buy you - at least for the time being - is a youth team that can overcome the mighty Myspace Mariners, as King$ton Communication$ FC discovered at the weekend (and Town's superb new official website has only just been arsed to tell us). Tom Corner and Bradley Wood were the scorers as Neil Woods' team of pocket dynamos saw off their wealthy north bank neighbours by two goals to nil. Now, will KCFC's millions find them a new and less embarrassing manager?
"Having been a huge Town and avid reader of your website for a few years now I'm fully aware that you're not really up for shameless plugging but I'm going to try anyway," begins an email to the Diary from Steven Young. That's right - we're not. Have you bought a Newell revolution T-shirt yet, by the way? "You see I'm doing the Great North Run this year on 20 September," Steven continues. "Following a drunken bet with my girlfriend I promised to do the run in her nurse uniform if we can raise over £1,000 for Marie Curie Cancer Care. We only started fundraising yesterday and have raised £240 already. I just wondered if you could give me a little mention in the Diary to encourage a few much-appreciated donations, no matter how small, via my Justgiving page. You can use the link to view a few pictures of me modelling my potential running outfit." Well, you're in luck, Steven, because as everyone knows, the three reasons for the Diary's existence are to round up the Town news every day in a half-arsed semi-comic style, to take the piss out of the club's superb new official website, and to encourage cross-dressing wherever and whenever possible. Here's the link to the Justgiving page!
"Regardless of whether you help me out or not," adds Steven, "I also wanted to say well done on the excellent website. It's kept me smiling during these dark days while Town have been stuck in [the fourth division]. I'm not too sure about the Shut Down The Town campaign though; personally I think you should change it to Shut Down The Opposing Team's Wingers Before They Put In A Cross Leading To Yet Another Headed Goal Being Conceded, or something equally snappy." Well, Tom Newey's gone, so that's half the battle, eh? See you tomorrow.