Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Monday 26 October 2009
26 October 2009
Hello, readers! Welcome to Monday's sift through the wreckage of another weekend of chaos and misery for Grimsby Town Football Club!
"I just want to play for Grimsby Town and make my name here." These were the words of Jack Barlow, less than three months ago, in a Grimsby Telegraph article all about what a good player he is and how he wants to stay with the Mariners despite interest from Manchester United and other big clubs and all that. Like many an optimistic piece of GTFC coverage, it makes rueful reading in retrospect, now that the teenage striker has left the club before most of us had the chance to see him kick a ball. Let's not be too peeved at the apparent ease with which young Jack has cast aside his pledge of allegiance to the Town, though; after all, when the Diary was 14 I pledged to love Morrissey forever, buy every format of every record he ever released, and go and watch him play at least four times on every tour, and now I wish the tedious old sod had just retired in 1994.
But is there any crumb of comfort to be nibbled as we look back sadly over the Telegraph's assertion in August that Barlow is "determined to be part of a bright future at Blundell Park and ignore the lure of a dream move to the big time"? Well, there may be no bright future at Blundell Park, but at least he's kept his promise of ignoring the lure of a dream move to the big time by signing for Hull.
Given the proportion of highly rated young kids who fail to make the first team (rumour has it, too, that young Jack can be a bit of a one), in fact, perhaps we ought to be relieved that King$ton Communication$ FC have at least compensated the Mariners for this one - the fee variously believed to come in somewhere between £100,000 and £300,000. As John Fenty (Con) makes perfectly clear, the alternative was for KCFC to have poached Barlow with no fear of punishment from the football authorities and laughed their way out of the tribunal that awarded Town tuppence-ha'penny and a box of pins.
This explanation is not enough, however, for ace local investigative journalist "christopher, grimsbyish", who hints at a darker subtext in a comment on the Grimsby Telegraph website. "that hasgone more money for fenty bank account," he explains, adding: "dont think anybody gets what happening at bp first mike newell then bennett now jack keep watching". We're watching, Christopher. When you've finished your GCSE in forensic accountancy, are you going to juggle some kittens?
In one rare piece of good news to emerge recently, Town's defeat in the first round of this season's FA Cup will at least be by somebody different, as the weekend's draw gave us a first interesting FA Cup tie in living memory by pairing Woods's battlers with Bath City of the Conference South. As Graham Kelly used to intone as he gawped awkwardly into the camera at the end of the draw, the matches will take place on the weekend of 7-8 November, and even the FA is calling the epochal Mariners v Romans clash "a mouth-watering tie".
Town games against non-League opposition have been few lately, of course; there was Morecambe the other year, but that was in the Dulux Cup and they're in the Football League now and we weren't trying anyway because Tony Crane sent a penalty to the moon; then there was Exeter, but they were never a proper non-League side. No, this is the real thing. The precedents may be good - as you all doubtless knew already, Town thrashed Bath City one-nil in the second round of the 1952-53 tournament - but the context is all different, so make no mistake: despite Morecambe and Exeter both having beaten us, this tie represents an excellent chance for the Mariners' first proper humiliation by non-Leaguers since Droylsden took us to a replay in 1976!
Oh, and Town signed a centre-half on loan from Southampton to play in Saturday's defeat at Bournemouth. His name is Oliver Lancashire. That's about all the Diary knows about Oliver Lancashire, or indeed about Saturday's defeat at Bournemouth. If any of you would like to email and enlighten me, please feel free; the Diary decided to spend Saturday afternoon making cheese and broccoli quiche. In the meantime, let's celebrate the news that "traditional Grimsby smoked fish" is now a phrase with protected geographical indication status, like champagne and Parma ham and that. Insert your own joke here about the football club doing something similar with tripe.