Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 14 October 2009

14 October 2009

Exactly one hour after the Diary is typing these words, a Town reserve team featuring two trialists will begin a game against Huddersfield, if we're to believe what we're told by the club's superb new official website. Ryan Crowther is a winger who played two games for Stockport aged 17 - in one, remarkably, captaining the side - before disappearing into the bowels of Anfield, watching a succession of obscure and unremarkable Europeans promoted ahead of him, and finally asking to be released to find a new club and begin again. Ben Osman is a midfielder born in 1990 to former England international and Escape to Victory star Russell Osman; he's arrived at BP after leaving Tommy Widdrington's Salisbury City last Thursday and has also been on the books at Wrexham and Exeter. The article on Town's superb new official website features a picture of an eight-year-old boy who is presumably one of the two players, but sadly the hard-working editorial team behind the SNOS lacks the basic media literacy just can't be fucking arsed is just too busy to tell us which one.

After fresh injuries to The Jarman and Adam Proudlock - two of the few players on the books at GTFC who currently look like they give a shit about anything except getting off the pitch as quick as possible, jumping in the shower and fucking off to the pub - up-against-it Town boss Mike Newell is planning to bring in new forwards, which is just as well given Adrian Forbes' current form, Chris Jones' failure so far to look anything whatsoever like a striker, and Danny North's record of one goal in his last 21 appearances. "I always planned to freshen things up this week but the injuries heighten the need to get someone in up front," Mr Newell tells today's Grimsby Telegraph, adding: "Hopefully we can have a player secured in good time before Saturday's [heavy home defeat by Rochdale]."

As ever with Telegraph stories online, the local brains trust has stumbled blinking into the comments section of the story about Newell's pursuit of new strikers, with "Laceby acres guy, Grimsby" adducing the remarkable conclusion that Town's current problems are rooted not, as conventional wisdom (otherwise known as the bleedin' obvious) would have it, in the centre of midfield, but with the goalkeeper - for all the world as if Tommy Forecast were still flapping hopelessly at the tamest of crosses. There's thinking outside the box, and then there's thinking at the bottom of a well covered in a metric fuckton of malodorous slime.

Thanks to all 59 of you so far who have taken the 1998 Auto Windscreens final quiz, and shame on the 8.5 per cent who couldn't remember the names of Alan Buckley and Wayne Burnett! Here's a somewhat tougher quiz on GTFC managers. But first, consider the hardest question of all: why did the club fine Barry Fucking Conlon for a red card they were dead set on appealing against if only they'd found some CCTV footage?