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Diary - Tuesday 24 November 2009

24 November 2009

Through no fault of his own, Neil Woods will fail, just as Gary Brabin, Gerry Taggart, John McDermott, Russell Slade and Lee Richardson would all have failed. He may fail honourably; he may fail miserably; but he will fail. Why? Because, as you know, as the Diary knows, and as even John Fenty (Con) might suspect, a fundamental overhaul is needed of every aspect of Grimsby Town Football Club. The Mariners will continue to be mired in failure until the club shakes off the culture of contented incompetence that permeates every part of its activity, from the serially flawed executive decision-making to the daily embarrassment of the superb new official website to the laughable, couldn't-run-a-bath excuse for a ticket office. Among players, backroom staff and club shop alike, every aspect of their demeanour and attitude, everything about the way they do their jobs, screams: "We're shit and we don't care."

Good luck, then, to Woods: nothing would give the Diary greater pleasure than for him to prove me wrong, with the possible exception of a spot of energetic whoopee with Eliza Dushku. But how likely is a fundamental overhaul of every aspect of Grimsby Town Football Club under the current chairman and a manager who just a month ago didn't really know whether he wanted the job or not? In any other world, perhaps, Neil Woods' lack of ambition would have counted against him, but in the world of John Fenty (Con), Woods has been given the job precisely because he won't be able to get a job anywhere else. "After a raft of applications for the manager's post, the board of directors dismissed the journeyman and those that are likely to get itchy feet during the contract," explains the councillor. Why? Because "we are crying out for stability at the football club", apparently, stability being the watchword of the chairman who is now on his fifth 'permanent' manager in as many years. What exactly is a raft of applications, anyway?

So if Town will fail regardless of who the manager is, what sort of manager should we have appointed? The Diary has long since ceased to give a stuff about formations or signings or passing vs direct football or any of that, because it always ends up being shite either way. All the Diary wanted was a manager who would get the players out of their comfort zone, where they play shit, lose, and then shrug and laugh and go out and get trolleyed again. A manager who would make the players suffer, in fact. A manager who would make those worthless turds on the pitch wish they'd never been born - just as their weekly failure to perform or compete in any meaningful way saps the will to go on living from the supporters who are paying nearly 20 quid a throw for the privilege. A manager, in short, who is a right bastard. Yes - I wanted Russell Slade.

As always, though, the Diary will be as supportive as I can of the new boss (in the seven years or so since this page first appeared, you will not have heard a single call from me for the sacking of a manager) and do my best to judge everything on its merits. So while it is not at all encouraging to read Peter Sweeney saying the players welcome Woods' appointment, there may be positives to take. As my old Nan used to say, you should never believe anything you hear from strange men on internet messageboards, but the Diary couldn't help but notice one particular posting this morning claiming: "wot i heard on friday from one of the players is they dont like him because hes got them wokring 6 hours a day now instead of 3 hours". Now, once you've translated it into English, that sounds to me like a very good start indeed.