Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 19 November 2009

19 November 2009

"Chester striker Michael Coulson opened the scoring, rifling an 18-yard drive into the top-left corner."

There. Taken at face value, your Guest Diarist delivers good news to Thursday's Diary of hope. Town have unexpectedly signed a former Scarborough wonder-kid on a month-long loan from Barnsley. That goal was only a couple of weeks ago but Chester have been unable to extend the lad's loan spell due to their utter skintness. So he has come to Town with a sad story of promising youth and horrible cruciatory knee injuries. Soccerbase says he is only five foot seven, while the hyperventilating hyperbole on the superb new official Town website claims he is five-ten and ten stone wet through. Danny North was not available for comment when I rang. The Town midfield live to cause us anguish for a while longer too, unencumbered by competition from anyone remotely capable of playing there.

You want more, gentle reader? It's no-news Thursday, you fool! The scrap of contemporaneity above is all you are going to get. But do not fill your time Googling Coulson on Soccerbase. You just don't want to know the bald statistic that the lad averages 0.17 goals per game do you? Although it rises to 0.33 for FA Cup matches. Shit - we are out of every cup, aren't we?

So we are in career kick-starting country again folks. And the rumours will start - ooh, Coulson was at Scarborough when that Slade(s) was. It's a sign! A Telegraph reader versed in the metric system has calculated that Coulson's BMI is a paltry 20.04. Paltry? That is in the middle of normal, I thought. Mine is over 30, I'm proud to report, due to a dietary regime of game meatballs, pasta and red wine.

We've had an email from Dave Tasker: "I have nothing to add to today's Diary comments on the new manager shortlist, which sums it up perfectly. I would, however, like to attract everyone's attention to Neil Woods' fantastic impersonation of Stan Laurel in the Sports Telegraph today. I hope he included this on his CV and highlighted this talent at his interview."

And word on the reserves from Pat Conway (are you the same one as used to do the Town programme, Pat?): "The youngsters against Sunderland reserves last night at Eppleton commendably got the ball down, passed and moved. Wood, Gray, and Moore were the pick and Overton looked assured. They were let down by Conlon and Akpa Apro who did not put themselves about - saving themselves for Saturday presumably? Hope that's the case!"

Now I'm off to sort out my greenhouse smashed up in these winds. I'll be back tomorrow. See yer.