Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 23 December 2009

23 December 2009

Even by their own high standards, it's been a bumper year for Town's bungling backroom staff and beleaguered chairman. Let's look back again at some of their highlights of 2009:

• telling season ticket holders they could get in free to all of Town's pre-season friendlies, and then telling them no, actually they couldn't
• announcing that three senior players, Phil Barnes, Tom Newey and Gary Montgomery, had left the club, and then announcing that no, actually they hadn't
• announcing a 'kids go free' offer for a match at two days' notice; and failing entirely to publicise the special offers in operation for last Friday's game against Morecambe
• sending out season ticket renewal forms which failed to include the date when season tickets would go on sale
• warning underperforming players "who think another two games and we will have a new manager" that they "must think again", and then sacking the manager two games later
• continuing to include, in the club's online customer charter, the email address customerservice@gtfc.co.uk, which the club itself said was "defunct" in 2005
• scheduling seven pre-season games in seven days, forcing the team to pull out of the Errea Cup final at short notice
• posting a video on the club's website in which then manager Mike Newell was asked: "Is Penis Peter Sweeney better than this division?"

Relatively speaking, though, it's a very long time since Town's non-playing staff were last publicly humiliated by their own staggering inability to do their jobs. Let's see... it must be at least a month since they cut ticket prices for the FA Cup game against Bath City without bothering to ask Bath City, and then had to reverse the cuts when Bath City objected. How reassuring it is, then, to read the Ryan Bennett interview in today's Grimsby Telegraph, in which an excellent young player who remained publicly and privately loyal to the Mariners despite huge interest from bigger clubs and an England under-18 cap reveals how he discovered he was being effectively forced out of the club in October shortly after the sacking of Mike Newell. "To come in on the Thursday morning, like I did, and find out the way I did was a bit upsetting," recalls Ryan. "I found out through someone in the educational department first." Classy, Town. You're back on top form there. Really classy.

A brighter tone is struck by an email to the Diary from Jeremy Baily, who writes:

Just a quickie (If you'll pardon the expression), to say keep up the good work, you often brighten my day when all around is doom and gloom.

I've had about seven seasons of crap to watch - I'm guessing you lot have too! I see Tony and Sue often at away games and we nod, shrug, but never hug (it's not the Grimsby way). We even compare crappiness sometimes.

I think, or at least hope the 'worm has turned' and we can start playing football with a swagger and style once again. Mr Woods appears to have got the right ideas, hitting fitness and awareness first, once truly fit and awake, are the players good enough to implement those ideas?

If I had as many loans as GTFC my bank manager would be having words with me. Fenty Baby obviously has a good one. Ramble over.

Thanks Jeremy. If this website does a little bit towards restoring the cheer of our fellow Town fans, when Town themselves appear hell-bent on driving us to distraction, then our time on this planet has truly been worthwhile. The festive season seems to be inspiring words of kindness all round, as Ben Gresswell has emailed to say:

I was hoping that you might pass on my thanks to Mr Butcher(s) for yet another year of excellent match reports. It's not easy watching Town at the best of times so watching them and then writing about them must be doubly difficult. Yet he continues to do so week in week out with a humour that I for one have not seen elsewhere in football writing and has me laughing out loud. Who else could include "Emerging with a pelt of squirrel skins and a large furry hat" in a match report? It is sheer genius in my opinion and should be available to a wider audience. Maybe Tony could write for other sports? He could even make golf interesting, perhaps?

Anyway, I'll be looking out for his name in the Queens new year's honours list and I look forward to another year of unique and fabulously funny reports on our beloved Mariners. But this is not to say that the rest of you Almighty ones are slacking. Give yourselves a pat on the back for your dedication and an extra one for the hell of it. You manage to keep your site fresh and relevant throughout the ups and downs of being a Grimsby Town fan. Well done all and have a fantastic Christmas and New Year.

PS. If you have any surplus Mike Newell T-shirts, I'd be happy to take them off your hands. I could use them to make a dog bed for our new puppy!

Thanks for all your kind words, Ben - and indeed for keeping our feet on the ground at the end there. A very happy Christmas to you and both our other readers. We did consider rushing out a 'Woods evolution' T-shirt in time for the Christmas market, but let's at least allow him to win a game before we put the terminal mockers on poor Neil's managerial career.