Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 8 December 2009

8 December 2009

Town's bid to break world records for the number of players used during a single season continues apace with news that James Cronesberry has arrived for a trial. You know, the 19-year-old Middlesbrough winger who has bags of pace and stamina and has impressed in a handful appearances for the club's reserves since coming through the academy and so on and so on with all the same stuff that Town's superb new official website says about every player the manager trials, loans, or natters to briefly in the queue for the checkouts at Morrisons. Yes, that James Cronesberry. A long-distance running Ireland under-17 cap and a fan of Lucozade Energy, James will line up for first team coach who manages the reserve team Chris Caspers' reserve team at home to Newcastle this afternoon. Fourth division full-backs have already placed a bulk order for dark glasses as a precaution against the intense ginger glare that may be created when Town line up with Cronesberry on one wing and Nick Hegarty on the other.

Speaking of first team coach who manages the reserve team Chris Caspers' reserve team's game at home to Newcastle this afternoon, readers, choose your most delightful item from the build-up on the official website of the slumbering north-eastern giants. Is it the fact that they have a player whose name is Nile Ranger? Is it the fact that they have a player who wants us to believe his first name is 'Jak'? Or is it the fact that the Mike Ashley comedy club refers to "South Humberside" almost 14 years after Humberside ceased to exist? Still, if any individual or organisation should be indulged in their nostalgia for the mid-1990s, it must surely be Newcastle United.

Also taking part this afternoon for the Mariners will be The Jarman, one of the very few players in the current GTFC squad to whom the Diary does not wish severe and lasting physical and psychological harm. Well, apart from actually sort of having a good attitude and wanting to play football and everything, the poor lad has had enough physical (and possibly psychological) harm to deal with already in recent times. The erstwhile injury-stricken forward can be found in the pages of today's Grimsby Telegraph describing the new fitness regime emerging under Neil Woodses, and man oh man, does the Diary like the sound of that. "We now have Prozone looking at our games, nutritional advice from dieticians, heart-rate monitors and body fat tests," said the Jarman as several of his teammates cowered awkwardly behind the packaging of their Happy Meals.