Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 19 March 2010

19 March 2010

And now I know how Alan Buckley felt. Hello readers - it's your original Diary back today, the very one who occupied this chair from 2002 to earlier in 2010 and who, for some reason, some people on messageboards seem to think was Tony Butcher. Ha! Biggest laugh I've had since that injured Kidderminster forward had a row with his own physio and had to limp round the perimeter from the Pontoon to the dug-outs all on his own.

Many recent occupants of the Diary's chair, it is fair to say, have given the impression of wanting to get the job done quickly with a minimum of effort and scant concern for quality, so they can go and get on with doing something more enjoyable. While, on the face of it, this might not provide the pleasantest experience for Diary readers, it's important to bear in mind that they're not just being lazy: they're making an ironic comment on the performance of the GTFC squad for most of the past decade.

So it is that Straight Peter Bore, until recently the very emblem of the players' underachievement, can be found today engaged in a round of Tell The Telegraph We've Not Been The Best Lately But We'll Get Better Now, Honest. "We should be picking up more points than we are and we are running out of games, so Bournemouth is an extremely important match. It's a tough game, but in our last home game we got a good win, so hopefully we can get the fans behind us and make it two home wins in a row," ventures the dangerously heterosexual forward turned right-winger turned right-back, throwing in a reminder for good measure about his own improved form and in the hope of keeping himself in the team at the expense of dead good actual right-back and injury returnee Mr Robbie Stockdale.

In fairness to the Diary's colleagues, we seem to have entered an age in which football news has largely been replaced by football people saying stuff, and so if recent Diaries have veered towards the perfunctory there has often been a good reason. While yesterday there was genuine news in Town's surprising and noteworthy appointment of John Deehan as chief scout, today Straight Peter Bore's tedious recital is just about all we have to report - apart from Michael Leary saying basically the same thing, of course. But you don't want to read that because it will make you want to gouge out your own eyes with a plastic teaspoon and disembowel yourself atop the south tower of the Humber Bridge.

Not that a lack of genuine news ought to hold back the Diary altogether from providing content, of course. Just as Buckley returned to Blundell Park in 1997 to survey the wreckage left by Messrs Laws and Swain, so the Diary is perplexed by the unwillingness or inability of the shower of ne'er-do-wells who have succeeded me to check the Diary's inbox more than once a month. An email from Martyn Wyburn, hence, has been lying unread and unloved since Mardy Diary's outburst here three whole days ago. "Dear Mardy Diary," writes Martyn, "something has upset you hasn't it? Do you want to talk about it? Please don't lock your feelings away. It's important to tell people what you really think." Anyone who sits in proximity to MD at the back of the Pontoon on match days will be in no doubt of his feelings, Martyn, whether it's National No Swearing at the Ref Day or not.

That just leaves us with David Elvidge, then, or "Ageing Rocker of north Norfolk", as close friends get to call him. David has emailed with a distinctly East Anglian take on the latest chapter of the Woods revolution:

My morning paper, the Eastern Daily Press, has just arrived and has a prominent piece about John Deehan's appointment, plus photo. I tend to support [Armchair] Diary's intimation that this could be Woods replacement already being shoehorned in. Interestingly, the EDP mentions Deehan's role as assistant to Kettering manager Lee Harper in December, but Deehan only lasted one month. So he has non-League 'experience.'

Deehan was one of Bryan Gunn's appointments when 'Gunny' became manager of Norwich City. The whole setup was short-lived and Gunn & co were sacked after a 7-1 home defeat to Colchester. Goes to show the folly of promoting folk who were doing a perfectly reasonable job in their own clubs (and in the case of Gunn, was a local legend), but could not hack it as managers. As the Good Book says, "A prophet shall not be known in his own land." Can any Diary reader point to anyone who has been promoted internally and been an outstanding manager?

So back to John Deehan and, as the title of Chuck Berry's hit has it, you never can tell.

Indeed, David, although the current incumbent in the Bournemouth manager's chair was promoted from within and seems to be making a reasonable fist of it. Bournemouth? Cod Almighty's pre-match factfile will be published as soon as Simon Colin Wilson shows up to write his parts. But soft! Here's some team news: Jamie Devitt, Dean Sinclair and Penis Peter Sweeney may return tomorrow, while Oliver Lancashire is back in Southampton with his injury because they're a big club and they don't trust our fishy hicks to look after him properly. You've got the BBC to thank for that, by the way. Enjoy that while you can, before the Tories sell it to Rupert Murdoch to pay for their tax cuts for the rich. Enjoy that while you can. Now who said that back in 2002, when Town were an established second-flight club and half the fans wanted to 'sack the board' for their lack of ambition? Oh, it was me. Thanks for reading and have a nice weekend.