Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Paul Ketchley

11 October 2003

Brighton & Hove Albion 3 Grimsby Town 0

The Withdean stadium on a sunny afternoon. Imagine the King George V stadium transported down the road to Weelsby Woods, add a blue sky and a bright sun full in the face of the away supporters, and there you have it. Sunglasses and peaked caps abounded.

Town warmed up in grey t-shirts - they'd obviously decided that coloured training tops gave the game away - and Brighton warmed up by taking pot-shots at the goal in front of the away fans. They spent a lot of time practising missing the goal from the edge of the area, and the 250 or so travelling Mariners speculated on the significance of an opposition manager jumping ship immediately before playing us at home. Time was when they did the decent thing and waited until after they'd been beaten to go.

The uncertainty spread to the home support and the home tannoy encouraged fans to sign letters to John Prescott pressing the case for their new stadium by pointing out that "we don't want to lose any more managers, do we?" Didn't anyone tell them that Prescott comes from Hull? "Where's your Coppell gone?" sang some obviously inebriated fans at the back.

First half
Whoever won the toss decided that Town - who lined up in a 4-4-2 formation incorporating Davison, McDermott, Crane, Edwards, Crowe, Campbell, Daws, Hamilton, Anderson, Onuora and Boulding - would kick off and that the teams would change ends, which meant Town attacked the empty end of the stadium, at which there is a huge hammer throwing cage beside the goal. The ball was tapped back to Crane, who immediately wellied it out of play. I'd never realised the regularity with which that happens until reading Tony's match reports but there it was: tip, tap, hoof and out.

The first five minutes saw Town making some nice passing moves to no avail. A free kick got floated in to Onuora, and Boulding fell over, but most of it was pretty hopeful through balls and punts, which went nowhere. Then Brighton burst forward and Leon Knight - the best player on the pitch by a long way - put the ball past Davison, thankfully from an offside position.

And that was how it continued. Town made neat tippy tappy moves in the middle of the field, looking cultured and classy. Brighton burst forward on the occasional break, which usually ended up with long-range shots from the edge of the box sailing past the goal as they had in practice before the game. Maybe that's what they intended to do - shoot and miss?

Everyone got bored, and unfortunately a small group of Town fans, obviously the worse for wear, began to bait the Brighton supporters in a way that went some way beyond the bounds of reasonable insults. Would the stewards intervene or would the cops get involved? Neither happened. The Town supporter in the 53 shirt jumped over a couple of seats and quiet but firm words were had. Well done that man.

And back to the game, which was mainly being played out in the Brighton half away from us. After about 20 minutes Town got a free kick, taken by Hamilton, which connected with Boulding's head. Kuipers in the Brighton goal flung himself to his right to palm away with one hand. Hey - we almost scored. Well, this is about as good as it gets, folks, because after that Macca coaxed, Boulding scampered and Crane blocked at the back, but we got nowhere near Kuipers again.

For the moment, though, it was mainly Town in control. Brighton were restricted to the occasional breakaway, as when Knight headed over after 25 minutes and Crowe and Campbell immediately combined on the left to provide a cross - which Onuora headed over, as if to show we could do that sort of thing too, and Campbell snapped a shot straight at the goalkeeper to underline the point.

It was, to be honest, pretty to watch but languid. "Run about, for God's sake," encouraged a man in the row in front, but they didn't; they tippy tapped the ball about making pretty combinations on the right of midfield. Town had long periods of possession, but none got anywhere. And after half an hour Brighton started running about a bit more, with Crane making a saving clearance and Crowe chesting a dangerous cross behind for a corner.

And that was about it. The first half ended with Onuora nearly putting Anderson through, Hamilton banging the ball wide of the post, and then Crane going down very hard after an aerial challenge. The referee, who had a good first half, insisted that he was dragged over the touchline and then promptly blew up for half time.

Mmm, well - not bad, was it? Boulding had nearly scored; Onuora had almost put Anderson through; and the game had been almost entirely played out in the Brighton half. Of course, the problem was that 'nearly' and 'almost' don't count, and so we went in having been the better team but having nothing to show for it.

Stu's half time toilet talk
"Are they Wednesday in disguise?" "No - Wednesday are better."
"It's good to go somewhere that's got a worse ground than Grimsby's."
"They've got an athletics track - let's do the 400 metres."

Second half
The Town substitutes came out early - wearing green training tops, so maybe that was a clue of what was to follow. The tannoy announcer encouraged the Brighton fans to get behind the team and admitted: "It wasn't a good first half for us." Well, no, it wasn't, but you're still on level terms so don't complain.

Then the pattern of the second half started to unfold. Knight went down in the box and rolled around, which didn't impress the referee at all. We saw how Cullip held Boulding back at every opportunity, and suddenly the game opened up.

It was end-to-end stuff with bodies flying everywhere. Onuora got upended and Knight did another theatrical dive, leading to a stern word from the referee, which presumably went along the lines of "any more of that and I'll book you." The game was being played at a much faster pace than before and it looked only a matter of time before someone would score.

Maybe it would be us. Onuora and Boulding exchanged passes and Boulding was flattened in the penalty area. Everyone held their breath to see what happened, and of course the referee awarded nothing and then Brighton were away at the other end. Davison turned the shot away for a corner.

Blood was up and adrenaline surging by now - minds were probably on the flattening of Boulding - and Brighton took the corner... and scored. To be honest, it happened so fast I can't even tell you how it went in. Did Rehman rise majestically or poke the ball in? Well I don't know - but it had only been a matter of time before someone scored and it was them.

The Brighton fans celebrated, asking: "Grimsby, Grimsby, what's the score?" Fortunately the Town fans kept quiet because if they'd said anything they'd have got it wrong. A cross from the left and a header from Knight was blocked by Davison, only for him to put away the rebound. Two-nil in two minutes.

Two minutes, two goals, and all the 'nearly' events from the first half were quite irrelevant. Brighton had come out and taken the game by the scruff of the neck, and Town had gone with them. Maybe fortune favours the brave in football.

And of course two goals work wonders for confidence. The Brighton players - previously hesitant - took on a new swagger and the confidence oozed from them. Passes that had so far gone nowhere seemed to be attracted to other blue and white striped players by some hitherto unknown gravitational pull.

Town took Crane off - presumably something had happened when he fell at the end of the first half, and Young came on. But their game collapsed. The passing movements fell apart and they began to hoof the ball upfield to catch Boulding on through runs which never came off.

Realising that the ten minutes after half time had undone them, Town gradually reasserted their old ways. Anderson took a near post corner, which spun away, and Onuora played Boulding through only for him to be judged offside. Then we went back to lots of Town possession and inconsequential and unconvincing attacks.

After 70 minutes or so Anderson was taken off and replaced by Soames. "Soames?" said some, "but doesn't the subs bench contain someone called Jevons?". Was this some fiendish punishment for PJ - you can sit on the bench, mate, and get close to the action but don't you think for one moment you'll ever get on the pitch, young Mr J. But - we presumed - this was a tactical change from 4-4-2 to a more attacking 4-3-3.

Soames showed what Town had been lacking up to now - pace and determination - and almost immediately won a corner that went through everybody. Although Town were playing more like they had in the first half, Brighton were now playing with the confidence that comes from a two-goal lead, and were unrecognisable from the dire outfit of the first 45 minutes.

Then a strange decision was made: to bring Boulding off and put Hockless on in his place. Umm - well, we thought we'd gone to 4-3-3, so again the speculation floated around the stand as to what Jevons might have done.

And Town tried to put themselves on the scoresheet without success. Onuora tried a back header; Hockless shot directly at the keeper; and Hamilton sliced the ball over the bar. No, we concluded - we're not going to get one today. It wasn't dire; it was quite good up to a point - and the point was the one that arrives when someone has to put the ball in the net.

Soames still looked the man most likely to, and to give the lad his due he tried and buzzed about like an angry little wasp trying to find someone in a blue shirt to sting. Knight had now taken to giving yelps of pain when he fell over for added impact, so maybe Soames was having some effect.

As the sun set Soames won a free kick, which led to a weak effort by Hamilton. And then as we shielded our eyes a wonderful sight befell us - Onuora appeared out of a red haze, one-on-one with Kuipers. Surely he'd bury it - and surely he did. The ball floated over the bar as an attempt to lob the keeper went horribly wrong.

The Town supporters groaned. "Send him back" was the dominant theme of comments. And as heads were held in hands Brighton pounced forward on the break once again. Someone - Crowe, presumably - chopped down a Brighton player on the edge of the area. It wasn't in a dangerous position, but seemingly it's now obligatory for us to concede a 90th-minute goal.

The referee pointed to the spot, which nobody bothered to protest about because it was as clear a penno as you're going to see. Knight came up to take it and Davison stood and glowered at him. Knight did a shuffle and stop and slotted the ball away in a fashion you'd have liked to have seen Beckham display in Istanbul. The only good thing was that this was missed by large numbers of Brighton supporters who started streaming out 10 minutes before the end.

Seconds after the restart the referee blew for time. The Town players trooped off, heads down, only slightly acknowledging the supporters as they passed by. Eighty-five minutes of hard work, in which you'd have thought that Town were the top-of-the-table side, had been undone by five minutes or so of blood-and-guts football that gave Brighton the opportunities they had been denied throughout the first half, and a lack of pace and passion for the idea of getting the ball in the net.

They say that Groves wants to keep Onuora and Daws, but frankly Iffy doesn't seem to offer an answer to our problems. Leon Knight, the Brighton number 7, showed what Town were missing - pace, guile and sharpness. Every time he could get the ball in the net, he did.

Oh to have Pouton back, giving energy and drive in midfield. And Boulding, who may be less than 100 per cent fit, needs to learn to get the better of big hulking defenders who hold him off far too easily.

On the way out someone suggested we'd be lucky to make the play-offs on the basis of today's performance - a truer assessment would be that we'd be lucky to finish in the top half of the table.

Nicko's man of the match
Hmmmm - well, that's not too easy, but Crane's performance in the first half was a rock on which Town's seeming invulnerability was built. He fell heavily at the end of the first half and was taken off early in the second half - so if he was hurt let's hope it was not too badly.

Official warning
Keith Hill's performance was a tale of two halves. For the first 45 minutes he was pretty much impeccable, but later on made some strange decisions, failing to book Knight for some blatant diving and yelping, and failing to react when Boulding was flattened. I've never understood Tony's scoring system but 7.4 seems a fair score overall.