Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 25 August 2010

25 August 2010

Get in! This morning we wake to find our beloved Mariners ninth in the Conference Premier league table. The last time Town were this high in any league table was two and a half years ago, when Alan Buckley's side strung together a tremendous run of results in early 2008 and surged to ninth place in the fourth division, giving themselves a long but achievable shot at a play-off place. Let's not mention the fact that they just gave up instead and decided to lose the last eight games of the season without breaking into a trot, shall we?

Your original Diary, while remaining convinced that Town will finish 17th this season, is delighted to note a third clean sheet in four games - all three against sides fancied to challenge at the top this season. The latest of these was, of course, last night at, um, whatever Darlington's big empty ground is called this week. And Neil Woodses's men made it two straight wins against the Quakers thanks to a great header from Steven Watt early in the second half - which the Darlo keeper Sam Russell "tried in vain to keep out without success", according to the tautologous phrasing of the local district regional Grimsby Telegraph newspaper media publication.

Speaking of match reports, we won't have one for the Darlo game, but there's a good one on the Fishy today, so I'd read that if I were you. And while you're about it, read this great open letter from Football365 to the arseholes on the Sun sports desk.

Town being Town, of course, every silver lining has a cloud. The Diary was creased up in fits of mirth deeply appalled to hear during Radio Humberside's excellent coverage last night that a club director had been given the wrong destination for their post-match hotel. By another director. And instead of Darlington, your man ended up in Leeds. Now I may have mentioned this once or twice before, but I can't help thinking back two or three years to when GTFC had a pre-season friendly at Gainsborough and Town's superb new official website directed travelling Mariners to Southport. As one Irish genius once observed, to lose a set of supporters may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose a club chairman looks like carelessness.

So is it just me, or does this Conference TV deal sound like the biggest crock of shit ever? Not that the notoriously secretive suits in charge of this league will ever tell us exactly how many paperclips and pieces of string Town will earn from it. The excellent Twohundredpercent blog pointed out the other day that the Conference recently rejected a proposal from the BBC to screen a highlights package, which would surely have been great publicity for the league. From Town's point of view, though, regarding the switch of next month's Luton game to a 5:15pm kick-off, a loss of revenue from fewer away fans arriving is perhaps less of an immediate concern than the extra drinking time before the game. Isn't the kick-off time usually brought forward rather than put back when matches carry a potential for violence among idiot supporters?

Speaking of idiots, I'm sure you remember Mick Needham from Monday's diary. Today's diary ends with some emails you sent in response.

"Just back from two weeks hols and felt the first thing I must do is rush to the defence of the team - no, not Town - but the team behind Cod Almighty! I for one actually enjoy reading the diary and I appreciate the helpful links. The diary is key to me keeping in touch with Town affairs here in windswept north Norfolk. I like the humour, even if it is black humour at times, and the satirical slant sometimes used. You're doing a great job - please don't change anything!" (David Elvidge)

"I just felt I should e mail to say a heartfelt thank you to all at Cod Almighty, just for being there really, and keeping such an invaluable site going on a daily basis. There aren't too many other clubs, particularly at Conference level, with such fantastic in-depth coverage of events at the club. I appreciate my very occasional contributions haven't always gone down too well, and I'm not trying to be an arse kisser, but I just felt irritated by Mr Needham's comments, as I'm sure most right-thinking Mariners fans were, and wished to put the record straight. Up the Mariners and keep it up CA." (Chris Beeley)

"Ignore that Mick Needham lunatic. I think you're fabulous. Having said that, I suppose now isn't the best time to admit I completely ripped off that 'Welcome to the Underworld' article I sent you a few months back from an antediluvian cave painting I discovered in the foothills of the Andes while trekking alone on my gap year, circa 1999. I never thought anyone would rumble me. Alas, Mr Needham has done just that. As I am a man of principle, I shall be returning my £18,500 advance promptly, with profuse apologies. As for the rest of the fee, I'm thoroughly ashamed to admit I spunked it up the wall on class A drugs and a couple of helicopters, both of which I mislaid, along with my mobile phone, while on a yacht-crawl in Monaco during the World Cup. Sorry about that. Keep up the good work." (Pete Brooksbank)

Thanks, all, and please allow five working days for the delivery of your cheques. It's just a shame the banks won't offer BACS facilities to organisations based in ivory towers.