Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 9 September 2010

9 September 2010

BSP = Bugger Short Passing. I just thought of that one. Funny, eh? No? Okay, on with the diary.

Bottom-of-the-Barrel Diary here, with all the latest Town news. Reserves, trialists, yeah, whatever. One of the features of the internet age is that the amount of Town news has increased to fill the space available. In the old days, when Town news was essentially what they could squeeze on the back of the Telegraph, if a local golfer wasn't dominating the headlines, a player had to have been at the club three years and scored 40-odd goals before he was considered of enough interest to merit a short article. Now if someone from Woking Academicals turns up to watch a reserve match wearing his matchday underpants he is eagerly seized upon by various space-filling commentators who quote from his Wikipedia entry and find a video on Youtube of him playing keepy-uppy with a rolled-up sock. Well, I am of the doddery old school, and I don't care about a player unless he actually plays for us. So if you want to know that sort of stuff, go to the usual media outlets.

Cod Almighty doesn't, of course, have an editorial policy, but if it did, it would be the word 'Pollyanna' in big flowery letters. I can say that because Cod Almighty doesn't have an editorial policy, so my miserable old dissenter's quavery voice can be heard in all of its pessimistic glory. Last night a fellow diarist texted me and told me not to be 'miserablist', but to be positive and supportive - in the same way, presumably, that the cabinet was when it followed Tony Blair into the Iraq war. At the moment, this is an easy dictate to obey - we have just beaten superhot favourites Luton and played our best football of the season in doing so. We are fourth in the league, and Dean Saunders isn't our manager.

There are plenty of positives we can take out of the current situation. Unfortunately, if you take the positives out, you are left with the negatives (see what I did there?). Which is where I come in.

We have only scored three goals from open play. We have only performed well in about one and a half games this season. Last season we had a huge operating debt that has only just been offset by player sales. Our chairman is John Fenty. Our manager's current record is one of the worst in GTFC history. We have recently been fortunate to beat Ambridge, or Histon or whoever it was. We have been beaten not only by Hayes, but by Yeading. We have just been thrashed 4-1 by Rushden & Diamonds. We are in the BSFP, as Tourette's enjoyers may well describe it. Our messageboard users are often unable to write their own language. Freeman Street is cold. Grimsby has never in its entire existence managed to attract a single tourist. Nobody has ever come to live in Grimsby through choice. If Morrissey had ever lived here he would have left because it is too depressing. It is possible to see Tim Mickleburgh on a daily basis. Our midfield is still pretty rubbish in most games. Jedward exist. Bono.

There, that's got that off my hairy old chest. Normal happy talking happy talk will be resumed tomorrow. But remember, kids, if you want to moan, moan away. It is nobody else's business but your own. Ta ta, comrades.