Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Friday 26 November 2010
26 November 2010
After the last-minute Gobern-gets-smacked news item yesterday, your Guest Diarist can open with another bombshell. It doesn't have tabloid appeal like a 'nose broken in training ground bust-up' story but it is important.
The devil on my shoulder keeps whispering to me: "Thinking about how good Gobern was gonna be has become a complete waste of our time and the young mardy depressive is no longer part of anyone's plans so he can go and nurse his wounded pride along with his swollen nose and basically fuck right off and either leave or get humble and start pulling his weight." Deep breath, GD, deep breath. Listen to the bloke on your other shoulder: "He's a young lad. He's miles from home and maybe what he calls large urban living with posh shops and nightclubs and that. He's homesick, he's poorly and now his workmates have turned on him. Help him through and try to improve his mental well-being; send him flowers and that." Hmm, sometimes I don't know what to think.
No. It's worse than that, Jim. Plucky Scunny have recalled Andrew Wright. Our superb new official site has just announced this, citing an injury crisis at Wright's club. But a quick gander at the Scunthorpe site match preview of their home game to Coventry tomorrow reveals more talk of players returning from injury than crying off. The superb new official Town website, which is as we all know, a very accurate and official source of news, information and, god-dammit, facts, said in a separate piece yesterday that the loan window would be shutting at 5pm that night. So if that is really true, the timing of the recall by our plucky neighbours is about as cruel as it is possible to be in this world of windows, deadlines and moveable transfer feasts. When the loan window actually closes I have no flipping idea, because the rules on these matters are so complex, so arcane and so poorly published that it would take me as long to find out as it would take me to explain exactly how I feel about those turncoat Liberals. A long time.
Dave Moore(s) gave us another of his filmed subscription-only injury updates yesterday. Ademeno is the same as ever: fragile as hell. Arthur seems OK for now. Gobern's nose wasn't mentioned, for some reason. And, dah-dah-dah-dah! Steven Watt is hurdling. Yes, hurdling plays a big role in recovering from a crocked knee, it would seem. And Watt has reached the hurdling stage. Whether he will try a hammer throw when he gets to Moore-o's famous 'twisting and turning' stage remains to be seen, gentle reader.
Now folks, wind your regional stereotyping scorn-ometer up to maximum. Join with me and Diary reader Neil Drakes in boiling up some strong vitriol to pour over that BBC idiot Dan bloody Walker. Writing in his totally useless blog, which he actually gets paid to pen, creepy-Crawley-born Walker hams it up: "I have been to some amazing places since I started presenting Football Focus. Los Angeles, Amsterdam and Barcelona spring to mind. This week I was asked to go somewhere very special... Grimsby. Before you Grimsbonians out there get too excited, the visit had little to do with the club. I am sworn to secrecy about the reasons for our trip but let me just say that it was of historical significance and involved some snazzy filming down on the beach."
That's right - Grimsbonians. Now do you detect any hint of George-W-Bushism type word irony in that made-up word? I don't. Grimbarian, I am reliably informed by Cod Almighty literatus Pete Green (a properly educated scholar of English who could wipe the floor with an idiot like Walker), is in the Oxford English Dictionary. It is a proper word and any journo who can't research something as basic as that should be sacked. I dread to think what they were doing on Cleethorpes beach and to be honest I can't seem to face watching the smug idiot tomorrow lunchtime. Walker claims he coulda-been-a-contender but for his incredible faith in his imaginary friend in the sky which prevented him playing sport on a Sunday. According to Wikipedia he's a failed comic. And now, as far as Neil and I are concerned, he's a failed journalist too. He's a Christian so I suppose I should show some humanist charity and forgive him. But to be honest I'm struggling. And if that piece tomorrow belittles our home town in any way then I shall fucking swear very loudly at the telly. You have been warned Mr Walker. See yer.