Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 3 December 2010

3 December 2010

Southport is frozen. Neil Woodses still can't get his car out of the drive. Some unnamed Town players actually walked to Cheapside to use the treadmill and look out of the window at the snow. Lee Peacock has trained every day and the Telegraph reports the manager saying: "He's looking really strong and sharp, and definitely comes into contention for the weekend." After a pitch inspection the match is postponed. Another weekend of pain for Peter Bore with his mysterious hip.

Yes, gentle reader, your Guest Diarist has snow-ploughed his way through the Town chaff and panned his way through the frozen news-mud to find these golden nuggets of information in an icy pool of horribly mixed metaphor. Not forgetting a sensational Telegraph interview with Mark Hudson where he tells the readership that although Town have been a bit shit lately and drawn far too many games, they will go on an impressive run soon provided he is allowed to attack and score goals: "That's really my game, attacking from midfield, and I need to show that a lot more. I'm usually an eight or nine goal a season man." Which strikes me as horribly similar to when Blair boasted he was a five-times-a-night man.

I'll level with you – I was rooting for Russia to get the World Cup yesterday. The thought of the Bastard Franchise Scum hosting a World Cup match was just too much for me to take. Give the tournament to foreign mafia – they are so much more exotic and so much better at it than their English equivalents. And they have ladies called Tatiana and Svetlana and that, with ridiculously sexy accents. I mean how can you get excited about group games taking place in places like Milton Keynes? Neil Woods was disappointed though – rambling all the usual blather about how wonderful the English Premiershite stadia are etc and ending with this savage indictment: "It was a shame not to get it but then all the countries have put a lot of work in, so it would have been a shame for them too."

As for Qatar, would someone email the Diary with any kind of rationale for this decision beyond financial shenanigans by FIFA? It seems to me it would be a lot cheaper, easier and more environmentally friendly if Qatar's rulers simply bought a more suitable small ready-made tax-haven country like Liechtenstein in which to stage their very own World Cup. But it was a relief to hear Blatter tell the world yesterday that the game of football started in China and was only "organised in England and Scotland". So at least he's prepared the ground for them making shedloads of cash in 2026 in Beijing, Shanghai and a load of other, more unpronounceable Chinese cities.

No football again this weekend – but at least England are doing us proud in the Ashes. So get your sport overnight folks: hibernate in bed with a long-wave radio, like me. See yer.