Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 22 February 2011

22 February 2011

Idle Diary writes: I've got 14 minutes to research this diary, write it, and get it live. And hopefully make it funny, like some of you regularly come back for. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Let's find out. Otherwise it's yet another whining email about how the diary isn't what it used to be, yadder yadder yadder.

You want comedy? No need to write the jokes with Grimsby Town Football Club advertising on their website for a chef/cook. In our house there's a difference - the chef leads, the cook is the 'sous chef'. C'mon Town. Which is it that you want? And is this just all an analogy for our midfield? Woods wants a chef, yet all he has are cooks. Gotta get that job description right. man. And then advertise for it on the SNOS's vacancies page.

The personnel who 'play' for GTFC seem to have had their staff appraisals. How does that work for you? Do you get one? If you do, is it behind closed doors? Not for the Town players. It's all aired in the open. Except it's all guff we've heard a million trillion zillion times from Paymaster Fenty, so much so that you question the effect it has when he spouts out phrases punctuated with such reflections as "hugely disappointing... inconsistency of the performances... frustrating... both the board and the management concerned..." I think the phrase the fans would reply with is "sort it". If any of them really are still that arsed. After years of skirting with doom, mid-table mediocrity makes a sanguine change. How many do you think will turn up to the match tonight?

Match tonight? Oh yes. Town are playing. Against Forest Green Rovers. Have you forgotten? Of course you have! You do more exciting things these days, don't you? Like hang around on Facebook saying how you're Grimsby 'til you die and all sorts of other clichéd Modern Fan crap. And don't actually make time to even check how the club have got on. If you're bothered, Woods is making changes to the side for tonight, although some of that is down to the enforced absences of Cummins (suspended, from the gantry of the Upper Findus), Bryan Hughes (achilles - injury, presumably, not a God complex), Dwayne Samuels (knee) and Charles Ademeno (knee). Those in possible contention to drift back in are Rob Eagle, Dean Sinclair, Steven Watt, Michael Leary and Bradley Wood. Work out who and how as much as you want, in your own mental version of Footie Manager. It's just so easy isn't it, being a fan and dropping names into slots in your dream formation, and then berating Woods for not carrying out your wishful thinking.

Because it will be Woods doing that choosing the team for as long as it needs to be, according to Chairman John anyhow: "If we didn't believe in what Neil Woods was doing, we would make a change but that's not the case." I'm not sure if that is a punchline or not. Time will tell.