Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 17 June 2011

17 June 2011

Well, he's no Alan Shearer, but at least he assaulted a bloke off the pitch rather than on it. Unlike the Newcastle no-mark who tried to 'do for' for our Justin Whittle. Thus mused the CA crew this morning after a spot of Googling on Town's newly signed striker Liam Hearn.

But buried in the archives of the Hucknall Dispatch your Guest Diarist has unearthed an 'exclusive interview' from 2009 where our new (pacy, energetic and scored loads of goals at one level lower) attack partner for Connell (the hitman and Hearn indeed, folks) has given his side of the story. Yes, young Hearn did go down for ABH, but the circumstances seem quite a long way from the "a fan said summat to him in a nightclub and he smacked him" story circulating round the messageboards.

I hope, gentle reader, when you read the tragic tale of the nice night out and the karaoke singing, and the defence of a less able friend, and the anger inside generated by the recent loss of another friend, and the terrible lesson learned in jail, that you imagined tearful background music piped straight from The X Factor in the background (or, if you are older that Simon Bates 'our tune' thing).

There's an interview with one of the managers and then Mr Hearn himself on the GTFC subscription channel. Digressing from our new hero-to-be for a second, I can't help but form the impression that our two managers went on holiday together. Not necessarily together: I don't want to start totally unfounded rumours. But they seem to have gone on holiday at the same time.

Now, surely one of the benefits of having two people in one position in business is that you have 'cover' in case of illness, vacation or 'walk out in a strop' and so on. Of course, Shorty shyly admitted that he'd been on the phone quite a lot (or listening in on speakerphone if they really did vacation en famille) during his time away. But then that's not a proper holiday, is it? And I wonder if Shouty berated any bemused tourists he had roped in to run the line in his impromptu beach football tournament. Sorry, I'm dreaming all this; I need to get back to the point.

Shorty, for it was he who faced the camera to the gentle background noise of a clicking sprinkler (for one nanosecond I thought this sound was a hundred cameras excitedly snapping our new star), looked tanned and sounded his usual calm self. He explained that Hearn had been a top target, possessing pace, aggression, a good work-rate and an excellent goalscoring record. Hearn has a three-year contract, there was a fee involved and Alfreton have negotiated a sell-on clause.

Later, Mr Liam shyly admitted he had a baby on the way. This will be a good test of the efficacy of Chairman Fenty's zealous new medical procedures, I suspect. Oh, he passed it? Something to look for next time, perhaps; maybe at least the central midfield player everyone is yearning for won't be pregnant.

Hearn tells a poignant tale alright (see above). He also recounted to Dale the interviewer about passing Blundell Park on the way to a match against Grimsby Borough (interesting route?) which hinted that he dreamed about playing at a big club like Grimsby who were on the telly and the radio and all sorts. He also mentioned that the managers, on the tour of the ground, had regaled him with Grimsby's plans to move to a new stadium. Whether they used the word 'soon' or not is very important, Liam - try to remember, mate, just try to remember.

Shorty also sort of promised that there'd be more new signings "in the next couple of weeks or sooner". Being honest, and taking total account of the exciting promise nearly all of the signings of the past ten seasons have exhibited - and the fact that 90+ per cent of them have backfired alarmingly in one way or another - taking into account all of that, well, we've signed a right-back who can seemingly play right-back and we've signed an ambitious goalscoring striker who has been admired by quite a few clubs. A lad on the way up, not on the way down. It's a big test for him coming to a "massive club like Grimsby". But shush, gentle reader - it's nothing to do with potential. The chairman doesn't want 'potential'. See yer.