Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 3 February 2012

3 February 2012

Mardy Diary writes: So whose turn is it to Tell The Telegraph this week then? What? What do you mean 'we're good now'? I don't understand - what am I supposed to write here now? Right, so now it's a case of Tell The Telegraph We've Been Very Good Lately, And We'll Keep Being Good, Honest. Gotcha.

So it's all looking alright here then, isn't it? What with manager/player of the month awards, unbeaten runs, signing players with a track record in this league and all that. Then there's Fenty rightly getting praise for his pioneering 'sell-on clause' approach to flogging players. Yes, in the past you just sold a player for some money, but John had this novel idea to request a percentage of any future sale, ensuring that the club got a wodge from the sale of Bennett. So, praise where praise is due: well done, John. I bet Peterborough didn't see that one coming, or perhaps even offer the deal themselves.

And of course this means that we've finally got our hands on the Drinkell money that Norwich owed us. I mean, if they'd just left it at the £90k that would be insulting wouldn't it? No, so another well done - this time to Norwich - for finally giving us what was owed.

In team news then - wait, hang on. There's a pitch inspection in a bit so let me just twiddle my thumbs a while and perhaps save myself the bother of writing some team news.

And the match is............... OFF! Well, that's saved me a job. Instead I'll share with you a letter I recently wrote to those hair-brained, namby-pamby liberals at the Football Conference HQ. This'll put a red-hot poker up their arse, no mistaking!

Dear Sirs,

I say 'Sirs' hoping to God that, even though we've allowed women (God I hate them so much) to referee matches and play 'international' 'football' on a 'football' 'pitch', we haven't allowed their pretty-faced brains to infiltrate the upper echelons of football administration. Although given recent events I wouldn't be surprised if that was in fact the case!!!

No, I write to ask: How is it that a team that spends money on players it can't afford is allowed to prosper in this league when it is clear it offers them an unfair advantage over others? Why should everyone else have to suffer because its one-time chairman chose to place it into a perilous financial position by wasting money on a stadium pipe dream? And why is it allowed to remain here signing players and loaning players from highly placed local teams in the Football League, thus making a mockery of this fine game?

It is time to get tough on such teams and make an example of them. I implore you to take swift and decisive action and kick Grimsby Town Football Club out of this league once and for all.

Yours,
Major Percival Tightsphincter (Mrs)

p.s. This sort of financial misdemeanour wouldn't be allowed in the Premier League!

Finally, well done to Michael Coulson for nudging his way in to the England C squad for the match against Italy at the end of the month. Nice to see some recognition for some of our players, although personally I'd prefer us to keep quiet about the ones out of contract in the summer. Shhhh.

See you then.