Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 22 June 2012

22 June 2012

Mardy Diary writes: New arrival on radar. So says the Grimsby Telegraph, and who are we to argue? That said, it makes no mention of the range of the radar or of the relative speed and direction of said 'new arrival'. And that's the problem with these space-filling articles alerting us to a new signing: they're all a bit vague.

We know there will be new signings 'soon' - Shouty and Shorty have both talked about wanting four or five more players, and given that these players will generally be signed before the season starts and the season starts 'soon' (in the big scheme of things), then a signing 'soon' is inevitable really.

And so I've been sat here twiddling my thumbs waiting to see if a new signing is announced today just so I can talk about something, but what is becoming apparent is that 'soon' is not quite soon enough. Not for me anyhow.

There's not even any reports on bricks or names of gates to talk about - these are desperate times.

So general football chit-chat then? Hmm. Was never much good at that game: oooh, that Sepp Blatter eh? He hates the English doesn't he, eh? Oooh, the bleedin' bugger! Now he thinks we need goal line technology, well that's just typical. Typical of the mental old goat.

Personally I hate all this talk of introducing 'technology'. Why are we so insistent on taking all the fun out of the sport? I laughed like a drain when Terry cleared that ball after it had crossed the line and the goal wasn't given. Isn't that part of the fun? Yes, they go against you sometimes, but what is there left to be indignant about in the pub after the match if all decisions have been ratified by a panel during the game? I like the randomness of football and the stupid decisions, both good and bad. And as a fan it's nice to be able to enjoy those times when you get lucky, or to be able to cling to the belief that you were hard done by, and if the goal/foul/offside had been given you'd be European champions three times over by now.

Don't get me wrong. I get infuriated by shit referees as much as the next slightly unhinged football supporter (although it doesn't bother me nearly as much as lazy ballboys). But it's these imperfections that make the game what it is. If we really do want to go ahead with technology 'because we can', then let's extend its use. Technology is perfectly capable of capturing motion - a few clever algorithms and we'll soon be able to distinguish between a collapse caused by a collision or by theatrics. Let's have dive-cams! Also, medical imaging has been around for years now, so when that player is rolling around on the pitch let's bring on the diagnostic radiography equipment and see how bad the damage really is.

In fact, let's just do away with expenses such as grounds and players and simulate the whole thing. Although I had to stop playing Football Manager because my computer was most definitely cheating.

Before I go, Miss Guest Diary made mention of fixtures yesterday but had obviously missed the brand, spanking new Cod Almighty season page. And it's that kind of lackadaisical attitude which has so influenced the current generation of listless ballboys. Shame on her.