Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 18 June 2012

18 June 2012

I went to London last week and ate some soup; I may have to go again on Wednesday. This isn't related to the quality of soup. It's merely reporting a fact - that something might happen - much like most of the coverage of Grimsby Town during this long hot summer of love. One day we'll have more than 12 players.

After a weekend of vegetables and vegetating, your own, your very own Deviant Diary returns to digress and divert attention from the dearth of news and your disappointment at that disappearing Friday Diary. Nothing happened last Friday. Nothing.

Vegetating? Relax, it's what Buddhists do.

Oh yes, the Euros, that's what's been happening. Poles axed! Russians dolled up and nowhere to go. Jaded, faded and degraded Dutch. And, with vivacious Espana on the horizon, there is no future in England's dreaming. As we gaze upon these young people with their colours and their noise we few, we happy few Townites simply see echoes of our past in England's present. Carroll and Welbeck - they're just international Livvo and Mansaram. And James Milner is that man you always want in the squad but never on the pitch: a Kevin Jobling for the Facebook generation.

We'll leave the grand unifying theory of footballers called Ashley for another day.

With Town news limited to the thin controller's assertion that the Cook fee has now been agreed with Barrow, but they aren't going to tell anyone what it is, we're left with the old fallback of ex-Town fall guys. He didn't have a job and then he found a job, and pheromone Phil Jevons isn't miserable now he's washed up at Hyde FC. Aye, he's a Tiger.

Hyde? Yes Hyde FC, newly arrived in our Premier League, officially the greatest non-league in the world. What of these jovial jackanapes you alliteratively exclaim in exasperation, to the consternation of those around you? Manchester City sponsor them and they once won a league after being awarded three points for drawing 0-0 against a team that didn't exist. Weird eh?

But is it as weird as the mysterious monkey wrench at the bottom of the Baltic? Internet drolls claim it's the Millennium Falcon. The Daily Mail is convinced it's from another world. In their case that would be earth, of course. Nutters the lot of 'em. The answer's obvious: Slartibartfast dropped it when bolting the Baltic to his last fjord.

There's always a simple explanation for everything. Even Roberto Martinez's shirts.