Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 24 October 2012

24 October 2012

If you'd told me ten years ago that Slough would get into the FA Cup first round draw and GTFC wouldn't, I'd have laughed in your face.

Yes, it seemed pretty inconceivable a decade ago that the Mariners would fail to qualify for the FA Cup first round. Back then, of course, we used to enter the competition automatically at the third round stage. But even then, we used to get a shit draw, like Stockport at home, and lose that, so nothing's really changed. We're just as shit in the cup - it just so happens that we're a lot further down the football pyramid now.

That opening paragraph was actually a text message your West Yorkshire Diary received late last night from a mate of mine who was born down south and used to go and watch Slough when they were in the Conference. How I scoffed at such misfortune a decade ago when I, all masterful, was graced with Grimsby in the mighty second division. I used to revel in the opportunity to laugh at his inferior home town club - all small and shitty. One of my mates called Keith, who had particularly small ears and a pointy nose, used to scrawl the words "Go Slough!" all over my mate's pencil case, presumably to patronise his allegiance. And when a pen or pencil wasn't to hand, or a pencil case canvas, Keith would use a sharp instrument like the tip of a compass and scrape the words into a desk or table.

Then Slough fell even further. A quick internet search just now told me that they currently reside in a division sponsored by glue. It's known as step 4 of non-League - so three divisions below the Mariners. For those of you with any knowledge of the northern equivalent, Slough Town is your Ossett Town or Cammell Laird. In effect, Slough are just as far behind the Mariners now in terms of leagues as they were a decade ago. So you can see why this achievement suddenly prompted a late-night gloating text.

The message was in response to Slough's excellent 2-1 win at Gosport Borough last night, who are in the division above. The result means they'll get a day out at Mansfield in the first round. I'm pleased for them - and my mate. The irony of all this (if you can call it irony) is that he's a big Grimsby fan now. To give him some credit, he supported Grimsby from the moment his family moved to the town 20 years ago, but he always retained some affection for the town that is better known for being the setting of The Office than its football pedigree.

However, let's not pretend that failing to qualify for the first round of the FA Cup is a new experience for us. It happened two years ago when we scraped a draw at Tamworth and then lost the replay at home. Losing at home - it's become a bit of an inconvenient habit just when things have been clicking on the road. And the defence - when did we last concede four goals at Blundell Park? August 2009 would be the answer, when we lost 4-0 to Crewe. I'm sure Anthony Elding played up front for them that day.

I'm not the only observational person round here - Derek 'Yard Dog II' Niven has also noticed that we've not been too good at home, and he's told the Telegraph just that. Perhaps it's just a coincidence that Niven has more than a passing resemblance to our previous yard dog Stacy 'I Nicked My Estranged Wife's Dog While She Was on a Reality TV Programme' Coldicott. Or perhaps every bald footballer in his late twenties just happens to like tackling and passing sideways.

Um, and that's about it as far as Town news goes today. There are still tickets available for the Trust's event with Lawrie McMenemy on Friday 16 November, and there's been another one of those web chat things on the Telegraph's website this lunchtime, which tend to take place at a time suitable only for the unemployed or retired. I'll let you decide whether that's accidental and thoughtless or deliberate and clever. And as the youth team take on Bradford City tonight in the first round proper of the FA Youth Cup, we'll all hope they make up for Town's shortcomings in the senior tournament.