Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 17 December 2011

Conference Premier

Grimsby Town 4 Hearn (2, 13), Antwi (11), Coulson (49)

Ebbsfleet United 3 Pinney (25), Mambo (28), Shakes (90+1)

Attendance: 2818

With Bradley Wood as his bodyguard, Liam Hearn continued to be the darling of the plexiglass-protected nut nibblers. He did run around a lot and, unlike Elding, didn't stop bothering at an indefinable point in the second half..

To Grimsby a travelling circus came, they brought an intelligent Heffalump and Manny was his name. They taught him how to take a bow and he took the crowd by storm! Well, he was OK and no-one was that good all the way through. So let's throw some seasonal joy towards our latest guest. Manny Panther, just to wind you all up.

"I don't want us to turn into Kevin Keegan's Newcastle because they'll see me to an early grave but for Christmas I'd certainly like a few 1-0 victories."

"It was a crazy game. It was a horrendous start from us and we clawed ourselves back but the fourth goal really made it difficult."

Town got three goals almost without trying, then tried very hard to avoid victory, despite being largely superior to their larger opponents. Once again Town were barely capable of controlling a rugby madhouse. Antwi had an uncomfortable afternoon, being disconcerted by pace and power, while the wings were sites of special scientific interest. Coulson had a ropey first half in particular and McCarthy was curiously absent from any memory, both good and bad (except goal number three). At times Town looked sprightly, confident and a capable collective. The simply stupid Pinney goal was a catalyst for self-doubt, and McKeown's wobbles ended when he went up the other end. He is truly now a Town keeper -€“ he played better when he had the opposition fans behind him. In the end you can taste the difference between lemon and sublime. There was some pain but more pleasure in this curious beast of a performance. It is hard to categorise it as anything other than typical Town, for you can take what you want from it.

Banzai! Do you remember the first time we met Dagenham & Redbridge? The Ebbers were like a fifth-generation copy, not quite so fast, not quite so rudimentary, but essentially using the same Airfix kit, just different coloured paint. And their method? Jump up and down and move it all around. Take one step left and one step right. One to the front... but never go back. It was difficult to assess them individually as they were just a collective cloud of purple swirls, each doing their pre-ordained job in a pre-ordained position. Pinney's unique selling point was his ability to block kicks. He didn't seem to do anything else. Mambo was dangerous at corners, from both teams. They didn't seem to bother much with defence, relying on the physical ability of each designated defender to run quickly enough or have enough strength to repel enemy incursions.

A perplexing rollercoaster left some sick and others excited. It's probably an age thing to do with the inner ear.

Mr R West (E Yorks)
Like his linesmen, he was mostly hopeless all afternoon. He just chickened out of dealing with the Ebbsfleet 'penalty' claim and managed to variously get in the way of the players, miss shoves but see halfpenny stumbles, and just be generally rubbish, but in a non-biased way. No Christmas cards, no secret Santa: 5.112.

Goals, goals, goals, goals!

Ah, but on the other hand, goals, goal, goals!