Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Andrew Lumbard

5 March 2005

Oxford United 1 Grimsby Town 2

The snow is coming down in wet lumps as we leave the house at 1:55 for the short journey to the Kasstad (as it is known locally). Oh March, "in like a lion, out like a lamb": a simile that the commentator on BBC Oxford tries to use about Oxford's quest for a play-off place, and then, realising the nonsensical message, tries to extricate himself by saying that Oxford, er, need the opposite of this. Right, so that's "in like a lamb" then. Oh good. Pass the man the shovel.

Then he goes and spoils it all by telling me that Tommy flippin' Mooney has scored eight times against Grimsby. Damn.

We arrive in damp and cold anticipation at the Kustard, which provokes a few random thoughts about new grounds. The fact that there are three stands will already be well documented by other visiting fans' websites. All the stands offer a great view of the pitch. Nice, smart facilities. Nice, smart seats... unusually in blue and not the club colours. Probably the best disabled viewing and access from the car park I've seen at a ground. Looked like half-decent boxes and facilities along the middle of the 'main stand'.

But no atmosphere. The corner gap between the stands is enormous. It just feels a little flat. Do the singing and chanting go straight up, rather than across the pitch? Still, makes a change from the cattle pen end at the old Manor.

Three hundred and sixty Town fans, with many fresh-faced students and tax-dodgers among them (probably at Brookes!), were situated at the car park end of the north stand. We were the only occupants of this stand, and consequently about 200 yards away from the nearest local supporter. Imagine the ground layout as a German 'u', and we were the right-hand side of the umlaut.

The Town players warmed up in front of us with a variety of intricate manoeuvres and synchronised routines, culminated in the 'stand in a circle and pass the ball past the two numpties in the middle' game. Their routines were stymied somewhat by only having half of their half available - the other half being taken over by an under-9s clash between West Oxford and Yarnton, which ended with West Oxford winning a penalty shoot-out. Oh there'll be dancing in the streets of Witney tonight. I wasn't paying much attention to the Cutteslowe v Orchard Meadow clash.

Anthony Williams was having catching practice.

As is now traditional, the subs stayed on and had to practise shooting. Rob Jones scored a direct hit on a blue PT Cruiser in the car park, with the ball ending up in the hands of a couple of scallies from Blackbird Leys, who may well have it on eBay by now (the ball, not the PT).

First half
Town lined up as a 4-4-2 comprising Williams, Bull, Whittle, Forbes, McDermott, Ramsden, Coldicott, Pinault, Fleming, Parkinson and Matt Harrold. On the bench today: Crane, Jones, Hockless, Soames, and a Lazarus-like Gritton. Playing in white shorts and red socks to match the hair of Town's new number 19. Oxford in their usual yellow, with Flippin' Mooney as today's captain.

Oxford kicked off towards the car park end. Nothing much happened. The ball took a while to go out. For the first 20 minutes Oxford were having most of the possession, but the attacks were foundering with some poor final passes, and some very accomplished tackling by Mister Ronaldo Bull. The first worrying moment for Town was an attack down the right, which was crossed from near the corner and took a slight deflection from the incoming Bull. The ball looped over Williams and Whittle on the far post, but also eluded any Oxford attacker.

Mooney was being kept quiet by the accomplished-looking Forbes and Whittle.

A ball from Coldicott sent Parkinson on one of, ooh, four mazy runs down the left. The defender's arm grabbed him as he cut inside for an easily conceded yellow card.

A Town attack elicited a corner on the right, somewhere in front of the Holiday Inn Express. The ball was sent in low and Ramsden attempted a scuffed deflection from the near corner of the six-yard box. It could have gone anywhere, and did, but we all went "oooh" anyway.

Another quiet period ensued, but it was notable to this watcher that Town appeared to be tackling harder and winning more 50/50s. Harrold was snapping at the heels of any opposing player who received the ball near to him, and invariably winning the ball.

Town had another corner in front of the Holiday Inn, which was headed loopily by Ramsden from near the edge of the area for the keeper to pluck from under the bar. Pinault went for a run through the middle with no Oxford player bothering to get with 20 yards of him. Parkinson and Harrold were making runs for him, but when the runs became dawdles he was tackled.

After about 25 minutes Whittle conceded a free kick about 30 yards out and just left of centre. Mooney took it and connected well. High and to Williams' right, it didn't miss by much.

Town conceded a corner, which was swung in dangerously, but the pile of bodies on and around the penalty spot handed Town a free kick. Oxford seemed to be gaining a little more confidence. A left-footed shot from Mooney, hit on the turn from a throw-in, went five or six yards wide.

Whittle, again, conceded a free kick five yards further back from the first one. Mooney laid it off square-ish to his right, where Cominelli, who has clearly been spending too much time on the sunbed, spanked it goalwards. The ball went in off the foot of the post, with Williams not quite getting his fingers to it. It might have taken a deflection, although I've not heard such a thing mentioned anywhere else. It was a goal. These things happen in football, if one side is a little cleverer than the other.

Confidence instilled, Oxford attacked. Town conceded a corner to set up Williams Moment part I. Yes, he failed to catch and hold the inswinging ball, which then dropped three or four yards in front of him and then bounced safely in the direction of Whittle's head. Said head then managed to project the ball back in the direction of Williams, only for it to land on the foot of Oxford's Hackett, who, having read the situation, alleviated Grimsby's embarrassment by tapping the ball over the bar.

Another attack found Mooney trying to lift the ball from the edge of the area into Basham's path, but Williams met it ahead of him. A final attack down the right with Mooney in acres of space in the middle was stopped by a decisive Bull tackle.

End of half. One-nil down, plenty of time to come back.

Andy's own half-time quotes
"Mum's dropping us off to go shopping for my birthday present."
"Yes, it's tomorrow."
"We'll get your Mother's Day present on the way home."
"I'm in Oxford again on the 17th to see Secret Machines at the Zodiac."

Second half
Gritton came on for Ramsden, and introduced himself to Oxford's Corbo. Town kicked off, and within that moment when you take your seat and get yourself comfy, Parky was away down the right. His cross flicked off Corbo's head and was met by Harrold, who guided the ball over Tardif for the equaliser. Wahey!

The Town players looked to capitalise and won a free kick, which Pinault fired wide from 30 yards. Although the Oxford half-time team talk wouldn't have counted on an equaliser so quickly after the restart, it did seem to have come up with the altogether surprising tactic of long shots. Where on Earth do they get these ideas? The sunbed man's, from about 30 yards, was the best of these.

Town continued to attack with some force. Coldicott picked up a yellow card for a heavy sliding tackle, and Cominelli also collected one for a similar offence. A Pinault corner was punched away for a throw-in.

Gritton and Corbo were having their own private battle. A lofted ball from Pinault in central midfield meant that the two antagonistas had to turn and chase shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow, hand to shoulder. A swinging right arm and Corbo was on the floor. Well, the ref and linesman didn't see anything. Gritts, you were lucky.

The revival continued, both Harrold and Gritton putting themselves about, trying to latch on to the long balls from Pinault and Coldicott. Parkinson on his threatening runs down the left. Macca swung a couple of crosses in from the right.

After about 70 minutes Mooney picked up the ball some 15 yards inside the Town half and to the right of the centre circle. He cut inside and tried to keep possession as he evaded Town's tacklers. The third tackle dispossessed him and he went down. Luckily for us, it was a difficult decision for the ref to give, and he let the play carry on. With the ball at his feet Pinault looked up to see where Parkinson was, and threaded the ball into his path about ten yards inside the Oxford half, and behind their defenders. With only the keeper to beat, he duly obliged as Tardif committed himself on the edge of his area. Two-one.

Mooney remonstrated with the ref, and spat his dummy out when they kicked off by blasting it from the halfway line to the right of Williams' goal.

Town's next attack saw Pinault doing the Gallic flair thing and shooting with the outside of his right foot from 25 yards. It was retrieved by the ball boy at the corner flag.

Oxford replaced Basham with Craig Davies, who looked like he could look after himself. Their next attack was down their right, where Bull slid in late on a yellow shirt and got a card to match. The resulting free kick was swung in and Williams met it with a punch - yes, a punch - which fairly satisfactorily cleared Town's lines. Oxford had another free kick, which went high wide and handsome, taken by... guess who?

Towards the end Emiliano Diaz came on for Raponi, wearing a shirt several sizes too large. A blue shirt flapping from the bottom of the yellow one which would have been even bigger, and shorts that finished one inch below the knee. He may have warmed up with Cutteslowe's under-9s; I'm not sure.

Three minutes to go, according to the man with the board, and after two minutes and 45 seconds of them we got the Williams Moment part II.. A long-range grass-scuttling shot was spilled by Williams at the feet of the Oxford captain, on the right-hand corner of the six-yard box. His shot smacked against the post and the ball ended up near the touchline.

Something happened and Town got a free kick. Someone gave Williams a cuddle. Town took the free kick, and the ref blew for full time. Mooney hadn't scored, and Town had a hard-fought three points.

Nicko's man of the match
The team played as the sum of its parts. Harrold had a good industrious game and was a constant niggle and threat, but I'm not going to be fooled by the 'try-my-best-as-it's my-first-game' routine. Forbes and Whittle were solid and secure. Macca and Fleming were a bit quiet. So I suggest the man who has been getting a bit of stick recently: step forward, Mr Ronnie Bull. His tackling, particularly in the first half, was exemplary, and broke up every attack down the left. Oxford appeared to have targeted this side, and Bull handled it admirably.

Official warning
We've had Mr Singh before somewhere, haven't we? I cannot think of one Grimsby whinge that we could put against him. An outstanding official, who let the game flow and was in constant contact with his linos, with knowing nods of agreement. I wish the third team on the pitch were like this every week. Even the one-two he played retained possession and kept with the flow of the game. So, 9.562 (because you can never give them 10).