Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Monday 28 December 2009

Division 4

Grimsby Town 1 Conlon (90 pen)

Port Vale 2 Rigg (7), R Taylor (41)

Attendance: 4401

Is this postmodern irony taken to its logical end point or are they the sort of people who would invest in ostrich eggs? Barry Conman? You must be joking.

Sweeney and Bore (after moving to right-back) were the least ineffective of the deflating balloons. That isn't enough.

Add salt to taste. Lancashire was shocking in the first half, slow-witted and slow-footed and therefore slow roasted. The 'wide men' were figments of someone with an over-active thyroid sat in a room full of ginseng candles, while Colgan (like Barnes before him) wobbled alarmingly in front of the Pontoon, less so when far, far away. But one man stands head and shoulders above all as the personification of failure: Barry Conman, professional footballer impersonator par excellence.

"I was as optimistic as anybody after the Morecambe game that we would get that reaction and that progression and clearly for the first 45 minutes we didn't."

"We controlled the first half, we passed it well and got balls into the box. All around the pitch we won the individual battles."

They never change: they have 18th written all over them. They aspire to 18th, they daydream of being 18th, they will be 18th. This is all they do: they run around and flick into the spaces behind full-backs. Simple men, playing simply, and too complicated for Woods' wonky wobblers.

Mr G Sutton (Lincs)
The coward in the mustard was determined to avoid giving any decision within 10 yards of the penalty areas that could possibly have the potential for a goal to be scored. He spent the first half only giving fouls for dives and only turned positively towards Town when the game was up. He sent off their player by mistake, not realising he'd already booked him. Even he couldn't have missed the handball. He got in the way a lot. A score? We'll count him in and count him out: 2.345.

After staring at the flashing cursor for 30 minutes there is only grim reality.