Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 7 March 2009

Division 4

Grimsby Town 5 Proudlock (42, 82, 84), Akpa Akpro (78, 90)

Lincoln City 1 N'Guessan (pen 60)

Attendance: 5133

Why? The clues are there. Shall we join him through the keyhole?

Oddly, despite the scoreline, it wasn't an overpowering magnificence for 90 minutes. Bendy Ak-Ak, the man with pipe cleaners for legs, was a constant irritant to them, while Bennett and Atkinson were generally safe, hence the sound of purring. He got a hat-trick, he was a solid fulcrum and it would be perverse beyond reason to ignore him: Adam Proudlock did what we know he can do, filed in triplicate.

"We won't be getting carried away but it's great for the supporters to beat your local rivals 5-1."

"It was shambolic. The players will have to look at themselves. They've gone from a really good defensive performance at Dagenham, where they kept a clean sheet, to this garbage."

Not bad, but not good, though a whole lot better than they were in August. Their defence rested upon Kovacs' head, while Horsfield and Elding were brawny roamers who, frankly, didn't trouble Town. Only N'Guessan provided that certain je ne sais quoi et joie de vivre et haw-he-haw-he-haw that stood out from the turnip soup. They didn't seem that excited by the thought of playing ailing local rivals. For that we thank our county cousins, who clearly saw that Town remaining in the league is in everyone's interest. They clogged a bit though: unpassionate cloggers they be and they collapsed faster than Simon Schama's cheese soufflé. The result was unkind but frankly, my dear, who gives a damn. They were not much different from Brentford and a bog-standard mid-table standard. Henderson didn't have anything difficult to do. That says it all.

Mr C Webster (Tyne & Wear)
Had a brilliant opening five minutes, barely making a mistake. As the game seethed on he made the illogical logical, subverting the normal rules of football in the process. He managed to eke out the crumbs from the comedy cake, even creating a new classic comedy routine, right up there with Eric and Ernie's Andrew Preview and "Don't tell him, Pike". Ten yards from ball or wall? He marched right up to the top of the hill and he marched back down again. He missed a series of pushes and a couple of handballs inside the Lincoln area and generally allowed the Impies licence to imprint their studs. He made sniggering errors with his reverse swing too. The penalty is not an issue; the free kick leading to it was. We won despite him. Distinctly-mintly level par for this pitch and putt league, he was an albatross around the neck of football, hence 4.0001.

A dam finally burst, or should that be Adam finally burst? What was the score?