Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 19 April 2008

Division 4

Bradford City 2 Thorne (62), Colbeck (90+2)

Grimsby Town 1 Till (9)

Attendance: 13448

For the first hour Hunt magnificently patrolled the swirling badland in front of the Town back four, breaking Bradford's waves and setting up some Town surfing. Hunt was an efficient chicken plucker. Ryan Bennett was back from England and back being Ryan Bennett again. He coped with the spring-heeled japester Daley such that the jester was replaced, and our boy wonder was a constant presence as an overlapping full-back. Let's ignore his knock-kneed interference causing the game winning second goal to be disallowed. I have, so why don't you.

This is getting monochromous, for yet again Tom Newey dug his grave four feet long and dug it three feet deep. This man has ability which he chooses not to apply consistently. Is he narcoleptic? That may explain why he's constantly apologetic. There comes a time when sorry ain't enough. If he's ever wondered where his career has gone, he just needs to look away down yonder in the holler, it's hangin' on a white oak tree. First division feet and a fourth division brain. Foolish man, wasting his time and ours.

"[Bradford] haven't won that game, we have lost it. Heaven knows why we make the mistakes we do and what we are trying to do when we make them, but it has cost us very dearly. It is inexcusable. I'm not going to make excuses for the players because I get the blame for things like that but God knows why they do it. It's certainly not what I want them to do. "It is all right them saying we are sorry, we didn't mean it. Well, I'm sorry but they keep doing it and it is inexcusable. I'm bitterly disappointed, and the players are too. I'm concerned about the way we have given goals away. These players have been making elementary mistakes like that for a long time and we are not going to win anything while they keep doing that. "Yet, when you come to a place like Bradford and control the game like we have, it shows we have got a lot going for us."

"We got out of jail [when the off-side Bennett touched in Hegarty's goal-bound shot on the line]. That was our lucky break of the day and I told the lads we've got to capitalise. The first half looked typically end of season and we needed to show a bit more zest and energy. Thankfully we upped the tempo and the second made up for it."

Is it destiny, is it just by chance or could it be kismet? Are we destined to avoid victory forever? They were all built the same and all played the same, like eleven characters in search of an author. Toothless in attack until a plate of soup was placed before them, they never looked like scoring, with Town so comfortable in their slippers and dressing gowns that they fell asleep in front of the radio. Omar Daley was a comic creation of the highest order, and they were completely anodyne until Conlon came on for a bit of up 'n' under. They were inferior, collectively and individually; just a bunch of well paid lads and lards in a garish kit. They aren't a team but a slightly organised queue at a cash point who struck it lucky when the ATM decide to dispense free cash.

Mr J Singh (Middlesex)
Oh dear, oh dear. He spent the entire game being nice to his hosts with inconsistent application of the laws of association football. He didn't cause the loss -€“ that was a non-fiction work of our own -€“ but he should be placed in the fiction section of the library, perhaps under magical realism. He missed a back-pass at a critical point of the game and was more keen to punish perceived pushes by Town than cracks and curdles by the battering Bantams. Atkinson was twice sliced in two with wild lunges, which only resulted in finger wags. Compare and contrast with the treatment of Bolland and Atkinson. You may use your text books and the question is worth 25 marks. Please remember to attribute quotes, for marks will be deducted for plagiarism. Ah, you've finished. I'm afraid 4.5451002 is all he's worth. Must do better: the resit is in August.

There are only two games left. Jarman!