Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Monday 24 March 2008

Division 4

Grimsby Town 1 North (19)

Brentford 2 Connell (51), W Brown (82)

Attendance: 4620

Till and Hegggarty were excellent in the first half, but were sunk by the choppy waters of collective inadequacy during the second. James Hunt was unimpeachable and impeccable, with his absence causing grown men to whimper in hindsight, though out of sight of small boys. Even the Huntophobes were extolling his virtues. His withdrawal was a mistake: the gate was left open and these snuffly pigs ran riot in the mud.

Danny North scored a goal. He's young and local, so let's be kind and say no more. It's for the best. Karen Toner came on to the pitch and was a tremendously creative force for Brentford. He couldn't pass, he couldn't run and he set up their winning goal. A wonderful all-round performance. Young Ryan became a boy again today, being bullied by a bigger man, but for a 90-minute pose-athon Tom Newey ate everyone's stale biscuit. His constant punting was the topping on his gateau of gunk.

"I don't think many players have enhanced their reputation or enhanced their chances of playing at Wembley."

"The first half was awful. We said that as they had a Wembley trip coming up we had to start well. But we did not set the right tempo. We played it like a practice game in the first 10 minutes and they played it like they were at Wembley. But in the last 30 minutes we played like we were at Wembley."

They had a tall man and a little man up front; the tall man headed the ball and the little man ran round in circles. This is industrial football. They had no art, no beauty, just a mechanised processing of off-cuts and reconstituted scrapings from the other team's barrel. They were effective because Town weren't. They were neither good enough to go up nor bad enough to get relegated. They exist, they function, they are what people believe the fourth division to be, so that is where they will be.

Mr S Mathieson (Cheshire)
He let play continue until the third foul was committed, but was generally fine. He was at least consistent in his penophobia and was neither over-fussy, nor overly liberal. If I gave him anything less than 7.988 I'd be a one-legged mushroom picker from outer Auchtermachty. I'm not, so it's 7.989.

No-one died. Wembley'll be out of the way soon and they can start tackling again.