Cod Almighty | Article

by Simon Wilson

30 November 2003

Ah, Phil Jevons. The devout Evertonian who turned his back on playing for the club he so devotedly supported to join, well, Town. 

As Jevons' Goodison youth team colleague Franny Jeffers departed for Arsenal, young Phillip reportedly believed he might get a crack at some first-team football under then Toffees manager Walter Smith, but this was reckoning without the arrival of Canadian Tomasz Radzinski from Anderlecht. Until then Jevons had accepted a few, limited league appearances in blue, usually marooned on the right wing. His slight frame meant he was never going to be up to the rigours of being a Premiership front man. While on the other side of Stanley Park Michael Owen could use his beguiling and bewitching pace to make up for his lack of muscle, Jevons wasn't blessed with even a 14-second 100m sprint, let alone Owen's breakneck blur.

So in came Lennie Lawrence. "BARGAIN!" declared a flurry of Evertonians, disappointed (but not surprised) that Smith had let a homegrown talent like Jevons fly the coop. The transfer fee was quoted as 200,000 notes (later revealed to be paid over the duration of Jevons' contract) and the collective radar of Town fans was sensing Good Things.

Town started the season unconvincingly, scraping victories over Crewe and West Brom, and the Portsmouth and Preston proved what would happen if a team could put away a few of their chances (a 4-2 defeat and an entertaining if defensively porous 2-2). None of which stopped Town topping the first division table on Saturday 1 September. Playing in their fifth game of the season, Jevons netted the only goal (his first league effort) against Barnsley in the weekend's only first division fixture (everyone else deciding that a weekend off for Germany v England would be for the best). After a slow start, Jevons repeated the feat the following weekend at Highfield Road as Town stole another 1-0 victory. Things were looking up...

A League Cup win on penalties after a 3-3 draw with Sheffield United (the tie won on pennos) saw Town drawn away to Liverpool, but over the next four games Town picked up one point out of 12. Michael Boulding had also come in to try and take some of the "brunt" off the seemingly eternally-burdened shoulders of the Scouse one. 

And then came the mass hysteria and overreaction to the events at Anfield on Tuesday 9 October 2001. Don't you remember? Town survive a merciless and unrepenting assault on their goal, with Danny Butterfield and Ben Chapman hoofing four chances off the line so the game ends 0-0 after 90 minutes. In extra time Liverpool score from a penalty, Marlon Broomes sweeps home an equaliser and in the dying seconds, Jevons receives the ball wide on the right. Sauntering forward, Jevons looks up and from 30 yards lofts the ball over Chris Kirkland into the far corner of the goal. Lennie went on to declare the win as the best result in the history of the club. 

Back in the real world of the league, Town returned to embarking on a marathon run of shite form (one win in something like nineteen games, and that win was against Birmingham, come to think of it) that would eventually see Lawrence sacked. Jevons grabbed two more goals in that time, but his inexperience came to the fore; nor did he seem to give a shit about the result as Lennie desperately chopped and changed the team. 

With Grovesie's first few games came a false dawn of sorts. Town knocked up a win over (at the time) perennially amusing supposed underachievers Portsmouth, aided by a sharp double from Jevons. It was a flash in the pan. Maybe his ma put some magic herbs in the Jevons turkey stuffing and he was still feeling the side effects a few days later. Whatever, because after that game Jevons (re)turned to being total and utter dross.

The game at Crewe, which this writer decided to mosey along to, summed up Jevons perfectly. Daisy-cutter shots, a gentle jog back up the pitch when his latest dribble failed to squirm through the legs of the defence, and a slumping, defeated stance. Add to the simple passes he played inch-perfectly to whichever opposition defender seemed to call for the ball, frustrating feeble tumbles as he realised he wasn't going to spawn his way through the defence, and that age-old favourite of mine - the exasperated look of a player who clearly thinks he is above everyone else and cannot believe that the pass intended for him DIDN'T REACH HIS PERFECTLY STATIC FEET. 

Come the run-in to the season and Jevons missed out as Town thumped Palace, Wimbledon and Burnley, Groves opting for the know-how of Bradley Allen and the seering surges of Boulding to grab the goals his charges sought. Once the relief at first division survival had passed, the autopsy started and Jevons was tagged "disappointment". The thing is, Jevons arrived on the back of a lot of hearsay from Evertonians (you're not telling me they all went to reserve games to form their opinion of Jevons) and Lennie himself didn't help by singing the poor (figuratively speaking) boy's praises when he signed. 

Last season, it took three early-season substitute appearances for Town (replacing Livvo after his sickening accident in the Derby game), and he was packed off to t'other side o' t'river, where he didn't seem to fare any better playing two divisions down, with four goals in something like 25 turnouts for the Tah-gers.

In the summer there was the very public spat with the chairman over wages (Jevons, remember, signed when ITV Digital was still transmitting league footie to an audience of 20) conducted through the Grimsby Telegraph - paragon of sensible and balanced reporting that it is.

And since then... there's been some mixed reports of his contribution to the reserves. Some of the stuff he is alleged to have done in a stiffs game against Newcastle had several Geordie spectators swear blind that Town had Zinedine Zidane playing for their second string. In other games it is alleged that he can't be arsed. But would you be arsed if you didn't know whether your efforts would be rewarded, justly or not?

But here's the thing - deep down, with a fair spreading of application, I think Jevons can do a job for the club. I think if not a great goalscorer, I can see Jevons being the sort of player that feeds Boulding, Anderson et al and bagging the odd belter. But the only way we will see that is if the disharmony behind the scenes is finally cleared up. If he shows he can be arsed, and allies that with his talent (while not outstanding skill, he does clearly have talent), then who knows? The Blundell Park crowd have recently been baying for Jevons like he is some instant saviour (just add water?). He can't be that; there are too many other problems with the Town team. But maybe, just maybe...

When Jevons left Everton, Toffeenoses believed they had lost a player who was about to burst onto the Premiership scene. Either they were right and Town majorly shafted up Jevons or Walter Smith is a far shrewder manager than anyone could ever have given him credit for. The only man who can answer the question either way... well, he wears the number 12 shirt for Town. Ask him.