Cod Almighty | Article

by Sam Metcalf

21 July 2010

Well, hello there, Eastbourne Borough. Let's talk about you.
The Sports, as they are still known despite changing their name from Langney Sports years ago, are nowt but bairns in the footballing world.Langney Sports FC, from which the modern-day club is derived, started out in 1964, and the club has maintained a gently meteoric rise from the local county leagues ever since, arriving in the Conference Premier in 2008-09. They've struggled the past two seasons but maintain the veneer of plucky underdogs and all that clichéd crap.

Must be nice having a pier that isn't rubbish. Photo: Mark Pether-Longman (cc by-nc 2.0)

Do you come here often?
For Eastbourne, simply being in this division is like winning the World Cup every day (more of those clichés, there). The club didn't change its name from Langney Sports until 2001, when it was still in the Southern League. Ten years later, they remain one of the Conference Premier's few part-time clubs, but they've had a wildly successful decade. Remember those?

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Nope, never. Still, it gives Town the chance to have a 100 per cent record against a team, eh? Yeah, yeah, of course they'll stuff us on a cold February Saturday, but we can but dream.

What can we do when the sun goes down?
You go to Eastbourne to do two things: die, or attend a Tory conference. Put it this way: it's a bit posher than Meggies.

Eastbourne players salute the fans after securing promotion to the Conference Premier in 2008 with a 2-0 play-off final win over Hampton & Richmond Borough

Vital statistics
Last season
League placing: 19th, Conference Premier, P42 W11 D13 L20 F42 A72 Pts46
Home and away rankings: 14th and 20th in the division
Average attendance: 1217 (rank: 13th in the division, 112th in English leagues)
Mileage travelled: 3,912

This season
Squad size: 19 (as at 17 April; they might have signed more players this summer but not put them on the website yet)
Odds on winning the league: 150/1 (Blue Square)

Do say
"Fancy a 99 on the beach?"

Don't say
"Fancy a fuggin' 69er on the beach, luv?" *hic*"

Do you know Eastbourne? We want your recommendations for local pubs, cafés or B&Bs, to feature in our pre-match factfiles during next season. Use the Cod Almighty feedback form to send them in – or to share any other thoughts you might have about our Rough Guide to the Conference.