Cod Almighty | Article

by Chris Mills

24 July 2010

Well, hello there, Histon. Let's talk about you.
The summer of 1996 was one of sporting extravaganza. Shearer, Sheringham, Gazza and co entertained Europe at Wembley. Michael Johnson became the fastest man in the world at the Australian Olympics and Cliff Richard kindly decided to take things into his own hands at a washed out Wimbledon. It was also the summer that Humberside's finest secured another season in England's second flight of football (thanks most notably to a bruised Ivano Bonetti) and a small village side in Cambridgeshire won the Eastern Counties Division One, some nine tiers below the Mariners at the time. Fourteen years on, and after a real life game of snakes and ladders that has seen a combined eleven promotions and relegations between them, this season Grimsby and Histon will meet each other for the first ever time. It's history in the making. Probably.

Obviously the above, in the most part, consisted of Grimsby plummeting and Histon soaring to new heights. We've effectively fallen head over tit down the mountain whereas Histon have successfully climbed it, winning no less than three leagues en route. In terms of population, it's literally the same as Waltham (a large village) taking the non-League pyramid by storm. The Stutes, as they're affectionally known – the nickname originating from the club's previous name Histon Institute – wear red and black stripes and play their home games at the Glass World Stadium. Stone throwing is strictly prohibited.

Last January manager Steve Fallon was sacked, the chairman citing "underlying irreconcilable differences" as the reason why. Now you can word it any which way you like Histon, but us Grimsby fans are perhaps the only other set of supporters in the country who know exactly what that means, so you can't pull the wool over our eyes. Mr Fallon had clearly underachieved with a generous wage budget, offered the chairman outside after a heated argument in the boardroom and then threatened to sue the club for unlawful dismissal.

Histon lose 1-0 at home to Crawley, April 2010. Days later Luton scored six past them. Photo: Nigel Cooke (cc by-nc-nd 2.0)

Do you come here often?
This will be Histon's fourth season in the Conference Premier and as recent as 2009 the club were a play-off semi-final away from League football, eventually being defeated by Torquay after a magnificent final day position of third. However, despite clearly overachieving in recent years, many fear a turbulent 2010 may engender their last season at this, or perhaps any level.

As of July supporters remain in the dark over the short-term future of the club, on and off the pitch – indeed the chairman's position and many shirt numbers are still vacant. With the summer departures of several big names that have formed the cornerstone of the last five year's success, Histon currently have less than eleven players signed to their books and of those only two are over the age of twenty-one. However, with a player called Erkan Okay in their side, I'm sure everything will turn out just fine in the end.

The Stutes have come a long way in a short time and although I'm sure they have been sensible, perhaps the financial realities are beginning to catch up with their newly built trophy cabinet. Shame as well, it would have cost a bloody fortune.

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
You may have seen Histon before, but only on the TV. The game I'm referring to wasn't against Grimsby, for the obvious reasons detailed above, but in actual fact it was against our mock Yorkshire rivals Leeds Utd in the 2008-09 FA Cup. Waxing lyrical prior to the game, ITV's Gabriel Clarke was quoted as saying "Histon's best shot at glory is during Britain in Bloom".

Ironically they went on to beat Leeds and Earsdon won Britain in Bloom.

What can we do when the sun goes down?
Histon is a leafy village three miles north of Cambridge, and in fact merges with neighbouring Impington. Very much like Waltham they have all the usual malarkey you'd expect from an over-grown village such as pubs, shops, takeaways and chavs on bicycles.

Let's be honest though, if you plan to stay over in this part of the world you'll probably be heading to Cambridge instead, right? They've got a bigger church. And bearing in mind we play Histon on Monday 3 January the sun will be down pretty early and you'll want to be indoors even quicker.

Histon knock Leeds out of the FA Cup in 2008. They lost 2-1 to Swansea in the next round.

Vital statistics
Last season
League placing: 18th, Conference Premier, P44 W11 D13 L20 F44 A67 Pts46
Home and away rankings: 20th and 18th in the division
Average attendance: 849 (rank: 20th in the division, 124th in English leagues)
Mileage travelled: 2,879

This season
Squad size: 15 (as at 24 July)
Odds on winning the league: 150/1 (Blue Square)

Do say
In the words of commentator Peter Drury at the end of the aforementioned live game: "Histon, history, hysteria!"

Don't say
"Have you been to Earsdon lately? I hear their petunias are beautiful this time of year."

Do you know Histon? We want your recommendations for local pubs, cafés or B&Bs, to feature in our pre-match factfiles during next season. Use theCod Almighty feedback form to send them in – or to share any other thoughts you might have about our Rough Guide to the Conference.